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Script


[A tired Jen waddles towards the bathroom. Jonesy cuts in front of her.]
Jonesy: "Make way for number one. The brother, and the fluid!"
Jen: "How are you not tired from that all-night crying session?"
Jonesy: "After Robbie and Diego, I'm a pro at sleeping through baby cries."
[Jonesy enters the bathroom. Jen's mom walks up to her.]
Emma: "Jen, I need a favor."
Jen: "Does it involve sleeping?"
Emma: "No. Can you watch Emma while your stepdad and I go out for the day?"
Jonesy: [peeking out] "Are you sure she can handle it? I'm available, and experienced, especially if cash is involved."
Jen: [shoving Jonesy back] "I can handle it just fine."
Emma: "Great! Good luck!" [She hands her youngest daughter over to Jen and walks away.]
Jen: "Aw, we're gonna have a fun day you and me, aren't we."
[Emma Jr. looks up at Jen and begins to cry.]
Jen: "Oh no! What did I just agree to?" [Her eye begins twitching.]


The opening credits roll.
The title of this episode is
6 Teens and a Baby

[Emma Jr. is still crying. Jen hunts in a bag for the bottle. Finding it, she plops it in Emma's mouth.]
Jen: "Ah. There you go. Good baby. Warm baby. Soothing...baby..."
[Jen falls asleep, and the bottle drops from Emma Jr's mouth. The baby begins crying, instantly awakening Jen.]
Jen: "Ah. Okay. Nikki's into babies." [She calls Nikki.]


[Darth is standing in front of a backdrop of stars.]
Darth: "Never fear, fair princess! I will protect you from the evil clones!"
Nikki: [as Princess Leia] "Oh, Darth! You're my hero!"
Darth: "Shall we dance, mistress?"
Nikki: "I thought you'd never ask."
[Nikki's phone rings. She wakes up from sleeping on the job.]
Nikki: [shocked by her dream] "What the–ugh!" [She answers her phone.] "I was just having the worst dream ever."
Jen: "I wish I could sleep long enough to dream. My kid sister is a nonstop crying machine!" [Her phone beeps.] "Hang on. Got another call."
Coach Halder: "Masterson! Coach Halder here. I need you to come in and cover a shift."
Jen: "If you insist! Just hang on." [She calls someone else.] "Jonesy! Coach is pulling me into work, so I need you to watch Emma!"
Jonesy: "Oh really? Well, I'd be happy to take the job, for a small fee. Say fifty percent of whatever you make at work today?"
Jen: "No. Way. I'll give you five percent."
Jonesy: "Forty."
Jen: "Seven."
Jonesy: "Twenty-five percent, final offer."
Jen: "Ugh! Fine. Deal." [She hangs up.]
Jonesy: "Sucker."
Jen: "Better him than me." [getting back to her boss] "Okay, Coach, I'll be right over." [She hangs up on everyone.]
Nikki: "Hello? Hello? Huh. Same to you." [She hangs up on nobody.]


[Wyatt is flipping burgers when his manager comes up to him.]
Tim: "Wyatt, I need you to supervise the training of your new coworker."
Wyatt: [seeing a familiar face] "Wayne?"
Wayne: [smarmy] "Good day, Wyatt."
Wyatt: "Shouldn't you be insulting customers at a video store somewhere?"
Wayne: "Underground Video closed down, so I had to find a new career to sustain the lifestyle to which I've grown accustomed."
Wyatt: "You have a lifestyle?"
Wayne: "Yeah. We're gonna get along just fine."
Wyatt: "Why don't you go watch the training video a few hundred times?"
Wayne: "Oh, I already did! Man, that thing took my breath away!"
Tim: "I like your enthusiasm, Wayne. You remind me of me. Keep it up and someday all this could be yours."
Wayne: "Wow. I can only dare to dream. Hoo!" [Tim is gone.] "I'm going on break."
Wyatt: "But you just started!"
Wayne: [mocking] "But you just started! Welcome to the new world order, Sir Mopes-a-lot. Tim loves me. Better get used to it."


[Jen is handing off the baby to Jonesy.]
Jen: "I'll be back by five."
Jonesy: "Don't forget my fee!" [to Emma Jr.] "Hey poopypants."
[Soon the baby starts crying. Jonesy has put on the baby carrier upside down.]
Jonesy: [tugging at it] "What the–oh, come on–"
Jen: "Are you sure you can handle this?"
Jonesy: [getting Emma Jr. out of the carrier] "Totally!"
Jen: "Well, good luck!" [to Emma Jr.] "You too."
[Jen kisses the baby's cheek and leaves.]
Jonesy: "Won't need luck!" [after she leaves] "We hang, she pays. Piece of cake!" [setting Emma Jr. down and pulling out a game] "Look, Emma. Grand Theft Motorbike. Check out the sweet graphics!" [Emma Jr. giggles.] "See? I know what babies like." [playing] "Out of the way, geezer! Boom! Woo! That's gonna leave a mark." [Emma Jr. begins crying.] "Aw, don't like gaming? No problem." [picking up a toy car] "We'll go old school." [Emma Jr. stops crying and watches.] "Vroom! It's the runaway race car!" [He loses control of it and the car goes flying. Emma Jr. starts crying again.] "Okay, how about dollies?" [picking up a toy robot and a DawgToy Jason doll] "Every little girl likes dollies." [as the robot] "Boop beep boop boop beep be boo." [as Jason] "What's that L2? Man-eating alien? Aah! Run!" [Emma Jr. begins crying again.] "Uh...uh, look, I'm a monkey!" [wearing a coffee cup on his head and extending his ears] "Eep! Eep eep eep! Eep!" [Emma Jr. does not stop crying.] "Come on, Emma!" [making funny faces] "Bloodoodoodoodooop! Whee!" [The crying does not stop.] "Oh, man, what do you want? There's gotta be something you like!" [getting an idea] "I got it! C'mon! We're going on a little field trip." [He picks Emma Jr. up and carries her away.]


[Nikki is folding clothes. She looks over to the entrance of the store and sees Darth there.]
Nikki: "Ugh! Why would anyone dream about that?"
Chrissy: "Okay, Khaki Staffers! Meeting!"
Kristen and Kirsten: "EEEE!"
Nikki: "Yippee." [She joins the meeting.]
Chrissy: "We're missing three pairs of Poplin pants and four peach polos. All in Husky. I think we've got ourselves a shoplifter, size large." [Kristen and Kirsten gasp.] "I need someone to go to the stockroom and watch all the security tapes for the last week. Nikki?"
Nikki: "Me? What about them? They love watching mindless drivel."
[Nikki looks back towards the entrance. Darth is still there. He notices her gaze and points at himself questioningly.]
Nikki: "Guuh!" [grabbing the tapes] "Okay! I'll do it!"
Chrissy: "Great."
Nikki: "Ugh, kill me now."


[Wyatt is explaining the cash register to Wayne.]
Wyatt: "So these buttons are individual items, and these are the combos. One veggie burger combo coming up."
Wayne: "A veggie burger?" [to the customer] "Puh-lease! What's the matter? Don't want to hurt any cows? Moo-hoo!"
Stuart Goldstein: "I–I–"
Wayne: "Do you know how many vegetables are killed to make one veggie burger?"
Stuart Goldstein: "Uh, I do–"
Wayne: "Seventy-three!"
Stuart Goldstein: "Okay–"
Wayne: "And don't even get me started on how they make veggie hot dogs! You make me sick!"
Stuart Goldstein: "Aah!"
Wayne: "Get out of here before I call the cops!" [Stuart runs out of the store.]
Wyatt: "Come back!" [Stuart is gone.] "You really can't do that here. Tim, back me up! Wayne can't refuse to sell veggie burgers just 'cause he thinks they're lame."
Tim: "Well, they don't bring in customers, and the ones who do eat 'em smell like tofu. We should pull the veggie burger off the menu. Good call, Wayne."
Wayne: "You know it, boss man!"
Wyatt: [rolling his eyes] "Why me?"


[Jonesy walks through the mall with a baby on his chest.]
Jonesy: "Ah, the mall. This is where your big bro goes to make his coin and hang with his peeps." [Emma Jr. starts crying again.] "Aw, come on!"
Jude: [skating up] "Hey bro. That is one sad little dudette. What's the matter with her?"
Jonesy: "I have no idea! How about a nice soother?"
[Jonesy pops a pacifier into the baby's mouth. Emma Jr. quiets for a second and then spits it out to resume her crying jag.]
Jude: "For a mini-person, she's got some pretty huge lungs, man."
Jonesy: "Must be from Jen's side of the family." [jiggling the baby] "Come on, Emma, buck up!"
Jude: "I think she misses her mommy, dude. You got any other moms on ya?"
Jonesy: "Just Jen, but no way is she gonna find out I can't handle this! I know. Nikki! She'll bail me out!"
[Jonesy runs towards the Khaki Barn.]


[Nikki is watching the mind-numbingly boring security videos. She sighs and falls asleep, drifting into a dream.]
Darth: "Fair princess, you are as radiant as the three suns of Blik-blak."
Nikki: "Oh Darth, I think I might be falling for you."
Darth: "Your words are sweet ambrosia to my Jedi ears! Kiss me, my sweet!"
[Darth and Nikki kiss. Nikki jolts awake, shocked.]
Nikki: "Blech!" [spitting] "Oh, you've got to be kidding me!" [Jonesy rushes in.]
Jonesy: "Nikki, I need your help!"
Nikki: [entranced] "Oh, is that widdle Emma? Hey there, pookums!" [taking the baby] "Woochie woochie woo!"
Jonesy: "Yeah, Jen was babysitting, but she had to go into work, so I took over. Figured you might want to see her."
Nikki: "Oh, I could stare at this face all day!" [playing with a happy Emma Jr.] "Yeah! Yeah! You're a little hooshie-wooshie-doodle-doodle-abba-dom-a-doo-doo! Huh? Isn't she, Jonesy?" [looking up] "Jonesy?"
[Jonesy has left. Instead, Kristen and Kirsten are staring at her through the open doorway.]
Nikki: "One word, and you'll be eating diaper!"
[Emma Jr. starts crying again.]


[Wyatt is still training Wayne.]
Wyatt: "...and these are the jingles you sing when you're flipping patties." [He holds up the Burger Bible.]
Wayne: [reading one] "Flippin' patties and feelin' fine/Burger McFlipster's is the place to dine? Ouch. Which brain-dead moron wrote these?"
Wyatt: "That would be me."
Wayne: [laughing] "Way to sell out to the man, rock star! I, for one, will never sing these atrocities!"
Wyatt: "Hey, the customers love 'em!"
Wayne: "Brother, you can do it your way, I'll do it mine! And mine doesn't include singing, capisce?"


[A tired Nikki is trying to carry Emma in the ill-fitting baby carrier.]
Nikki: "Oh, come on. Ergonomic, my butt!" [She comes up to the Big Squeeze.] "Caitlin! Have you seen Jonesy?"
Caitlin: "No, but I see Emma!"
Nikki: "Yeah, Jonesy dumped the cutie-patootie-babootie-pie on me." [sweetly] "Who's gonna kill Jonesy, huh? Me, that's who."
Caitlin: "Is that why you look so frazzled? Maybe you need more beauty sleep."
Nikki: "Yeah, anything but. I keep having these–" [catching herself] "No. I can't say. You'll just blab to everyone."
Caitlin: "No I won't! I swear!"
Nikki: [sighing] "Ugh, fine." [She looks around, and then leans in to whisper to Caitlin.] "I've been having hot dreams about...Darth."
[Caitlin leaps back and gasps.]
Caitlin: "Ew! Darth?"
Nikki: [ducking behind the lemon] "Ssh! Keep it down!"
Caitlin: "Oops. Sorry. So, are you into Darth?"
Nikki: "Of course not!"
Caitlin: "Good, 'cause you can do so much better than that." [She gestures to Darth. Darth notices and looks over. Nikki quickly ducks out of sight.]
Darth: "Nikki again? What is she plotting? Time for evasive action!"
Caitlin: "Wow, he's really gotten to you!"
Nikki: "Oh, I gotta talk to Jen. Here, can you take care of Emma for a little while?" [She hands off the baby.]
Caitlin: "Oh, I don't know. I-I've never actually babysat before."
Jock: [walking by] "Cute baby. Cutie."
Caitlin: "On second thought, take your time."
Nikki: [leaving] "Thanks. And remember, not a word!"
[As soon as Nikki leaves, Emma Jr. starts crying. Caitlin plucks her from the carrier.]
Caitlin: "Aw, aw it's okay, Emma. If there's one thing I learned taking care of baby dolls, it's when you tip them back, their eyes shut, and they go to sleep."
[Caitlin tips Emma Jr. back. Emma Jr.'s eyes don't shut, and she doesn't go to sleep.]
Caitlin: "How come your eyes aren't closing?" [She tips Emma Jr. back and forth.] "I think you're in need of repair." [Emma Jr.'s stomach gurgles.] "Why are you making those sounds?" [She holds Emma up to her face. Emma's cheeks fill with spit-up.] "Oh no!"


[Jen is checking a customer out when Nikki runs in and hides behind the counter.]
Nikki: "Ah, phew."
Jen: "What are you doing?"
Nikki: "Dodging Darth. I could have hid in the stockroom all day if Jonesy hadn't left me with Emma."
Jen: "What?!? Where's Emma now?"
Nikki: "Oh, it's okay. I left her with Caitlin."
Jen: "You really think that's a good idea?"
Nikki: "Ah, she'll be fine."


[Wyatt is working when Caitlin runs in, covered in puke. Both she and the baby are crying, and most patrons leave.]
Jock: "Ew."
Wyatt: [looking at them unhappily] "Help me."


[A while later, Caitlin and Emma Jr. are still crying. Wayne comes by, chuckling.]
Wayne: "This calls for another break. Later."
Wyatt: [to Caitlin] "What are you doing with Emma?"
Caitlin: [choked up] "Jonesy had her, and Nikki had a-a hot dream about Darth, an-and now I'm covered in–barf!"
Wyatt: "Nikki had a hot dream about Darth?"
Caitlin: [realizing what she said] "Oh no! She's gonna kill me!"
Wyatt: "Well, you are under a bit of stress at the moment." [to Emma Jr.] "What's the matter, little one?"
[Emma Jr. cries in Wyatt's face. Wyatt picks up his guitar and begins to play. Slowly, the baby's cries soften and stop, and she starts smiling.]
Caitlin: "Oh, Wyatt, you're a genius. Can you watch her for a bit? I need to clean up before the smell sinks in." [She retches.] "Back soon!" [Caitlin leaves. Wyatt finishes his song.]
Wyatt: "There. All better."
[A few seconds after Wyatt stops playing, Emma Jr. bursts into tears again.]
Wyatt: "Okay, okay." [He begins playing again. Emma Jr. quiets, and Wyatt heaves a sigh.] "I can't play forever, Emma." [Wayne comes back with Tim.]
Wayne: "Crying babies and acoustic guitars. Doesn't seem right to me, Tim."
Tim: "Exactly. Think of the customers."
[The restaurant is deserted.]
Wyatt: "Yyyyeeeaaahhh...I'll go drop her off." [Wyatt carries the baby off, playing and singing for her.] "We're off to find your brother, 'cause I can't keep playing mother..."


[Jen and Nikki walk through the mall.]
Jen: "I can't wait to take Emma back to Jonesy and read him the riot act!"
Nikki: "I just want to stay awake! Every time I fall asleep, I have this hot dream about this not-so-hot guy."
Jen: "Ew. Well if it makes you feel any better, I once had this hot dream about...Wayne."
Nikki: "What? Does everyone dream about making out with repulsive people?"
[Wyatt comes by, still strumming his guitar.]
Jen: "Wyatt! Why do you have Emma?"
Wyatt: "After Nikki gave her to Caitlin, things didn't go so well. You'd be surprised how much puke can come out of one little baby."
Jen: "Ew."
Nikki: "Sick."
Wyatt: "Caitlin's getting cleaned up, so I figured I'd take Emma to Jonesy."
Jen: "I should probably take her, Wyatt."
Wyatt: "No, please, let me. Anything to get away from my new coworker Wayne."
Nikki and Jen: "Wayne? The Wayne?"
Wyatt: "Yep. The guy's taking jerk to a whole new level. He even dissed my jingles! Is nothing sacred?"
Nikki: "Wow. I thought I had it bad."
Wyatt: "Oh yeah. The Darth dreams. You're not–into him, are you?"
Jen: [shocked] "Darth?!? The Darth?!?"
Nikki: [shocked] "How do you kn–Caitlin! Rrr!"


[Wyatt wanders onto the ice rink. Jude is polishing it up alongside Jonesy, who is taking a ride on the Zamboni.]
Wyatt: "Oh Jonesy! I think this is yours."
Jonesy: "Wait a sec, why do you have Emma?"
Wyatt: "Nikki gave her to Caitlin, but the puke started flying, so here I am." [He hands the baby over.]
Jonesy: "Well, at least she's not crying anymore."
[Right on cue, Emma Jr. begins wailing again. Jonesy passes the baby to Jude and fishes in his pocket.]
Jonesy: [desperate] "Here! Maybe I can distract her with my house keys! Babies love jingly-jangly keys!"
Jude: [setting Emma Jr. on the Zamboni] "Have a seat, tiny dudette."
[Emma Jr. stops crying and smiles.]
Jonesy: "Whoa. Emma loves the Zamboni! Jude, what if I hire you as a substitute babysitter subcontractor for a cut of some of my babysitting fee?"
Jude: "Sounds good to me, bro. How's it sound to you, junior Emma?"
[Emma Jr. smiles and nods slightly.]
Jude: "Yeah, she's in."
[Wyatt's cell phone beeps.]
Wyatt: "It's from Caitlin." [reading] "Thanks for taking Emma, don't tell anyone about Nikki's Darth dreams." [starting] "Oh man."
Jonesy: "Nikki had a dream about Darth?"
Jude: "He said dreams. Plural, dude."
Wyatt: "Really not helping..." [Jude and Jonesy laugh.]
Jonesy: "No wonder she was acting so weird!"
Jude: "Yeah, like, what if she's like, all into him and stuff?"
[Jonesy laughs for a few more seconds but suddenly stops.]
Jonesy: "Not cool, man. Not cool."


[Caitlin has cleaned herself up and is ready to go back to work again when Nikki runs up angrily.]
Nikki: "You told."
Caitlin: "Nikki, I'm so sorry, but Emma was crying–oh, the barf–ooh, oh–"
Nikki: [as a microphone edges closer to her from behind] "Well, if anyone else finds out I had a dream about kissing Darth, I swear I–"
Darth: [listening in] "I knew it! Nikki has the hots for me, hoo-hoo!"
Caitlin: "Okay, that one was your fault."
Nikki: "It was just a nightmare, Darth. Don't get any big ideas!"
Darth: "The Sooze4Tron never lies." [to everyone] "Nikki has the hots for me. Nikki has the hots for me."
Nikki: [grabbing Darth] "Shut up, or I'll wring your neck!"
Darth: "She can't keep her hands off me!"
Nikki: "Ugh!"


[Jude is listening to Emma Jr.]
Jude: "Really? Wow." [to Jonesy] "Dude, your sis tells some awesome stories."
Jonesy: "Oh yeah? Does she know why Nikki dreamt about Darth?" [Emma gurgles.]
Jude: "She thinks they were nightmares. She also says she's cool with the name Emma, but her real name is Clementine."
Jonesy: "Whoa, for real? Jude, you're like some sort of baby whisperer!"
Jude: "Huh?"
Jonesy: "You can understand and talk to babies!"
Jude: "No way." [He and Emma Jr. laugh.] "Cool."
Pregnant Lady: "You can understand babies? Can you interpret my baby's cooing?"
[The no-longer-pregnant woman holds up the baby. It makes a noise for Jude.]
Jude: "Ma'am, your baby says her real name is Wishbone."
[The lady walks off frowning.]
Jonesy: "Dude, this is your golden ticket! Tell people what their babies are thinking for five bucks a pop! We'll be rich!"


Wayne: [hitting on a Greeter Goddess] "Anyone ever tell you you look like a movie star? I should know, I've seen every movie there is."
[Wyatt comes back to work. Tim walks up to him.]
Wyatt: [struck with an idea] "Wayne. Less chatting, more singing."
Wayne: "Oh, Wyatt, when will you ever learn? Hey Tim, what do you say we lose the jingles?"
[Tim does a spittake.]
Wyatt: "Yeah. See, Tim may like you, but he loves jingles. In fact, I bet he'd love to hear one right now! C'mon, everyone! Give it up for Wayne!" [The patrons cheer.]
Wayne: "But I–haven't–really–" [Wyatt holds out the songbook.] "–um–aheh...touche." [He takes the Burger Bible and begins singing, wildly off-key.] "Burgers are my favorite treat/Nothing beats the smell of meat–" [All the customers leave.] "–gobble 'em up or pound 'em down–" [Tim crushes his drink in anger.] "–my hot patties are the best in tow-ow-own!"
Wyatt: [amazed] "Wow."
Tim: "I thought you were special, Wayne. Clearly I was wrong. Whatever that was, never do it a-gain. Ever."
[Tim leaves. Wyatt walks up to Wayne.]
Wyatt: "Wyatt one, Wayne zero."
[Wayne hangs his head.]


[A long line of women with babies are gathered on the ice. Emma Jr. is sitting in the Zamboni.]
Jude: "You better stay here so we don't get you mixed up with all the other little baby dudes, 'kay Clementine?" [He takes a baby. Emma Jr. accidentally releases the emergency brake, and the Zamboni starts rolling.] "Uh-huh? Gotcha. Ma'am, your baby thinks you eat too much garlic."
[The Zamboni rolls out of the ice rink. It passes by Ron.]
Ron: "What's this?" [He sees Emma Jr. on it.] "Underaged Zamboni driving in my mall?" [Ron runs after the Zamboni, catches up, and pulls the brake.] "You have been confiscated, my little maggot!" [into his walkie-talkie] "I want to report a Zamboni infraction to the rink manager!" [Emma gurgles.] "Aww..."


[Nikki stomps into Things That Beep.]
Darth: [to two kids] "Of course I'm flattered Nikki's hot for me! Years ago, I might have even given her the time of day! But I'm with the hottest girl in the mall right now, so it's just sad." [A coffee cup hits him.] "Ow! Stop that!"
Nikki: "Sure. Right after you stop lying about me, Obi-Wanna-Blankee."
Darth: "You're the one who dreamt about me!"
Nikki: "Huh, yeah. What's more humiliating, having a nightmare, or getting beaten up by a girl?"
Darth: [desperate] "You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses!"
[Nikki throws another coffee cup at Darth that knocks his glasses off. Off-balance, Darth windmills his arms as he stumbles backwards across the store, eventually crashing into a display of speakers.]
Nikki: [dusting her hands] "Ah. That's better."


[Jonesy is counting up the money he and Jude made when Jen walks in.]
Jen: "What's going on here?"
Jonesy: "Oh, Jen. Our little Jude has a gift."
Jen: "Well I gotta get our little Emma home. Who'd you dump her on this time?"
[Jude and Jonesy look around and don't see the baby anywhere.]
Jude: "Dude? I think we dropped the ball."
Jen: "What?!?"


[Wyatt, Nikki, and Caitlin are at the Big Squeeze when their other three friends rush up.]
Jen: "Guys, you gotta help us find Emma!"


[Shortly thereafter, the six are rushing through the mall.]
Caitlin: "What happened?"
Jen: "Jonesy happened! You're fired, substitute babysitter!"
Jonesy: "You're fired, subcontractor!" [Jude's phone rings.]
Jude: [answering] "Yello? Yeah? Oh? Okay." [He hangs up.] "Aw, man! I just got fired from the rink! Ron found some baby driving the Zamboni around the mall!"
Jen, Jonesy, Wyatt, Caitlin, and Nikki: "Emma!"


[The six rush to the security office. When they look in the door, though, they get a big surprise.]
Jonesy: "What the–"
[Ron's office has had some toys dragged into it, and Ron is rocking Emma Jr. to sleep.]
Ron: "...and if that mockingbird don't sing, Ronnie's gonna make some buffalo wings." [Emma Jr. is fast asleep.] "Da dah dah da do doo..."
Jonesy: "Wow. Ron's got the magic touch."
Ron: "Ssh! Keep it down, maggot! She just ate." [to Jen] "You don't want to feed her for another two hours."
Jen: "Um, thanks Ron." [taking the baby] "Gotta run, guys, my parents will be home any minute."
[Emma Jr. coos.]
Jude: "What's that, Clementine?" [Emma Jr. coos.] "She says your mom was a bit nervous about Jen's lack of experience."
Jonesy: "Ha! I'm the man!"
[Emma Jr. coos again.]
Jude: "But, at least you're more responsible than Jonesy."
Jen: "Ha! Looks like I'm the man!" [She walks out the door with the baby.]
Jonesy: [to Nikki] "So...dreaming about Darth?"
Nikki: [sighing] "No, I'm not into him."
Jonesy: "Oh, I totally knew it. Kinda."
Nikki: "Don't worry. The only space case I'm interested in is you."
Jonesy: "You always know just what to say."
[Jonesy and Nikki hold hands.]


[Nikki and Jonesy are in the stockroom of the Khaki Barn. Jonesy is asleep, and Nikki is on the phone.]
Nikki: "So did you beat your parents home?"
Jen: "Yep. Emma's back in her crib, and they're none the wiser. Whoof!"
Nikki: "Well that's it. I've watched every security tape, and there's no sign of shoplifting."
Jen: "Maybe Chrissy counted the inventory wrong."
Nikki: "Yeah. I don't think she can go much past ten anyway."
Jen: [chuckling] "Well, good luck. I'm taking a nap."
Nikki: [hanging up] "Oh, Chrissy..." [She exits the stockroom. We see Jonesy's dream.]
Jonesy: [wielding a lightsaber against a backdrop of stars] "Never fear, sweet princess! I will protect you to the end of my days!"
Darth: [as a bikini-clad Princess Leia] "Oh, Jonesy. You light my saber."
Jonesy: [waking up] "Whoa, what the–whoa!" [He falls off of the couch.] "Ow!"
Nikki: [looking in on him] "Bad dream?"
Jonesy: [shaking] "I don't wanna talk about it."

Season 4 Scripts
Labour Day - Part 1Labour Day - Part 26 Teens and A BabyBlast From The PastQuit ItKylie SmylieThe ListGreat ExpectationsOut Of This WorldOn Your Mark, Get Set... DateRole ReversalBye Bye Nikki? Part 1Bye Bye Nikki? Part 2
Seasons: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Hour-Long Specials
See also: Episode Guide

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