[Caitlin and Jen are watching a movie on a laptop.]
Actress: "Oh, Roger."
Caitlin: "Oh, they're gonna kiss!"
Caitlin and Jen: "Aww!"
Jonesy: "What's with the heavy breathin'? Lookin' at photos of me?"
Caitlin: "We're watching Sisterhood of the Backpacking Shorts. These girls go backpacking and fall in love with a bunch of international hotties."
Wyatt: "Is it any good?" [Jude and Jonesy look at him oddly.] "Can't a guy enjoy a movie about a magical pair of shorts that bond four women together in sisterhood?"
Jude and Jonesy: "No!"
Jen: "Can you imagine us going around the world together? Picture it: the six of us backpacking through France, Italy, Spain, Hungary!"
Jude: "Definitely, bra. I could totally go for a burrito right now?"
[A man walks by carrying a burrito. Jude spots him and suddenly appears in front of him.]
Jude: "Hey man. Wanna split that?"
Penalty Box Customer: "Oh dear." [He takes off running.]
Jude: [chasing on his skateboard] "Come back, dude!"
[Jonesy and Wyatt watch for a bit before turning back to Jen and Caitlin.]
Jonesy: "Name one thing those countries have that the mall doesn't."
Jen: "Uh, how about three things? Huge museums, incredible art galleries, soaring architecture?"
Jonesy: "ENNH. There's a grade two art show over there, the museum store, and check out the soaring architecture of the food court. You can get internationally inspired food for under five bucks!"
Jen: "Just like refried beans are not Mexico, the mall is not the world!"
Nikki: [walking up] "Well it won't be my world for much longer. Not if my dad has anything to do with it."
Jen: "What're you talking about?"
Nikki: "My family might be moving."
Jen, Caitlin, and Wyatt: "What?!?"
Jonesy: "You're–moving away?"
Nikki: "Looks like! Dad's got a job interview tomorrow, and if he gets it, we'll have to move up north next week!"
Wyatt and Caitlin: "Oh no!"
[Jude comes back dripping wet but munching on his stolen burrito.]
Jude: "I lost my house key in the fountain and my folks are away on vaca. I'm so locked out, bro." [He notices the sombre mood of the table.] "Why so quiet, dudes?"
Caitlin: [crying] "Only because–it's the end of the world as we know it!"
The opening credits roll.
The title of this episode is
Bye Bye Nikki? Part 1
Jude: "Nikki might be moving?!? My mellow is officially harshed."
Caitlin: [sniffling] "It's like–I don't even want to shop anymore!" [She bursts into tears.]
Nikki: "How could he do this to me? To us?"
Wyatt: "What job is worth moving your whole family?"
Jen: "Ah! Don't even use the m-word!"
Jude: "Which one? Magnet? Muchacho?"
Wyatt: "No. Move."
Jen: "I said quit it!"
Nikki: "My dad's in the running to become the new vice-president of Ruts."
Jen: "That's amazing! Ruts is so cool. They did the uniforms for the Canadian Olympic team."
Caitlin: "Their leather bags are totally chic!"
Jonesy: "And my butt always looks great in their jeans. Just ask the ladies."
Nikki: "So as long as your butt is happy, it's cool?"
Jen: "Going from senior manager of Discount Dave's Fashion Cabana to VP of Ruts is a huge deal!"
Caitlin: "Ooh, do you think he'll start dressing better?"
Nikki: "Relocating to some backwoods craptown is a huge deal too! But do I even get a say? No. My life is ruined!"
Jonesy: "Yep, no big whoop. We'll be here, you can visit us anytime."
Nikki: "Glad you're taking this in stride."
Jonesy: "My new job awaits, better get movin'."
Jen: [covering her ears] "No one's moving, I can't hear you, la la la la la la la la la la la la–"
Jen: "–la la. La la la la, la la la la, la la la la–"
Jude: [whispering to Nikki] "I think Jen may be broken, bra!"
Jen: "–la la! La la la!"
Nikki: "At least she's bummed that I'm leaving."
Jen: "La la la la la la la la–"
[Wyatt is inside Grind Me. He takes a sip of his coffee and sets it down on a table.]
Jonesy: "Wow. No sniffing the aroma? No saving the roasted thingamajigs?"
Wyatt: "What's a perfectly roasted blend from northern Sumatra, when one's best friend is moving away?"
Jonesy: "That's right, one best friend is moving away, but the Jonesmiester is here to stay!"
Wyatt: "How come you're not upset about Nikki leaving? You're losing your best friend and your girlfriend."
Jonesy: "Guess I'm not the emotional type. I'm more like the strong and silent type. Except for the silent part."
Wyatt: "And the strong part. Seriously."
Jonesy: "I am good, Wyatt my man, good with a capital ood."
Wyatt: [looking outside] "Isn't your job selling scarves and sunglasses and stuff from a cart?"
[Several people are simply taking things from the cart and not paying.]
Jonesy: "Yep! And I barely have to be there because no one ever buys that crap."
Wyatt: "But they do steal it."
Jonesy: "What?!?" [He looks over and sees his empty cart.] "Oh, I am so fired."
Wyatt: "There's a surprise."
Jonesy: "After I return the cart, this guy's gonna celebrate his independence."
Wyatt: "When people lose someone they love, they often go through seven stages of anguish. I'm a bit of an expert. I think you've skipped panic and gone straight to number two: denial."
Jonesy: "The only denial I'm suffering from is that I can't deny the smell of delicious tacos." [standing up] "Later." [He leaves.]
Wyatt: "Classic profile. Better spread the word."
[Jen has her head down on the counter. A customer walks up carrying two different bike wheels.]
Cowboy: "Which tarr would yew recommend fer a long distance cahcle?"
Jen: "Sure! Go away! Leave everyone you care about behind!"
[The cowboy backs away, and a new customer takes his place. This one is carrying a rollerblade.]
Greeter God: "Can you tell me which wheels move better on concrete?"
Jen: [covering her ears] "No one's moving I can't hear you la la la la la la! La la la la–" [He backs away.] "–la LA la la la–"
[Wyatt is sitting at the table playing his guitar while Caitlin looks through magazines at work.]
Caitlin: "Skateboarding magazines? Who ordered those? Ah, here we go. International Teen Style."
Wyatt: [singing] "Nikki/Oh, Nikki/You dropped the news on us so quickly/I feel like I'm losing a finger/I know the pain will linger."
Caitlin: [tearful] "My heart is totally breaking." [Wyatt stops playing.]
Wyatt: [unhappy] "And that's the happy song."
Caitlin: "No. I just read that women in Thunder Bay are wearing high-waisted kulats and plastic clocks." [Nikki walks up.] "You can't move north! Your torso is far too short to pull off high-waisted kulats!"
Nikki: "Thanks for the tip, though I doubt that will convince my dad to skip his job interview tomorrow."
Caitlin: "Do you think anything else could convince him?"
Nikki: "I wish. The man's got a one-track mind. And he's aced every job interview he's ever had. It's as hopeless as the most hopeless thing ever. Times ten."
[Caitlin begins crying again. Wyatt sighs.]
Wyatt: "Oh, I just calmed her down!"
Nikki: "I should–go. Sorry. Later." [She waves goodbye and backs away.]
Caitlin: [in tears] "Bye bye, Nikki. Buh–bwwaAAHHH!" [She resumes her wailing.]
Wyatt: [singing and playing] "Nikki/Oh Nikki/She left her friends–"
Caitlin and Wyatt: "in a mall."
Wyatt: "When her dad got the VP call/All she could do was say good–"
Caitlin and Wyatt: "Bye."
Wyatt: "And her friends just cried and cried..."
Caitlin: [crying] "Cry, cried!"
[Jonesy is getting tacos from Wonder Taco.]
Jonesy: "Two Super-stacked combos."
Julie: [pulling out a tray] "One for you, one for your sweetie."
Jonesy: "Both are for me, my fair Julie, so how about you give me two tacos for the price of one? C'mon, be a pal." [Julie rolls her eyes.] "Can I at least get some extra hot sauce?" [Julie hands over a bottle.] "Great! And some more jalapeños?" [She shakes her head.] "Refried beans." [The head continues shaking.] "Double cheese?" [Nope.] "A few extra onions." [No dice.] "C'mon."
[Jonesy walks away, irritated with his inability to bargain any extra goodies out of Julie.]
Julie: "Wyatt's right. Jonesy's hit the third stage of anguish: bargaining."
[Jonesy is rocking out, playing Rock Maniac at the video game store, when he suddenly stops midsong.]
Jonesy: "Here I am enjoying myself while Nikki goes through this move all alone? What am I? A monster?"
Jude: [to Stanley] "Just hit stage four, bro. Guilt." [Stanley hands over some money.] "Five to one says he hits anger in three...two...one..."
[Jonesy starts playing a new song, misses a note, and starts trying to smash the guitar. Jude holds out his hand, and Stanley drops some more change into it.]
[Jonesy is watching a movie.]
Actor: "You mock my family! I teach you the meaning of pain!"
Actor #2: "Just try it!" [being beaten up] "Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!"
Jonesy: "That's exactly how I feel. Tied up in knots while a kung-fu master beats me with a really hard stick."
Pre-teen Boy: "Ssh."
Pre-teen Girl: [whispering to him] "Depression."
Pre-teen Boy: "Oh."
[Jonesy breaks down in tears.]
Jonesy: [crying] "I don't want Nikki to leave! She's my girl!"
Pre-teen Girl: "Wyatt said acceptance is next."
Jonesy: [motivated] "I may have gone through the first six stages, but the Jonesmiester doesn't accept anything! Not rampant failure at my many jobs, not rejection at the hands of too many girls to count, and I will not accept that Nikki is moving away! Watch out world, you've unleashed the beast!"
[The theater cheers his speech.]
[The guys and Caitlin are inside the game store.]
Caitlin: "I don't think I can do this."
Jonesy: "Do you want Nikki to leave?"
Jude: "No! Dude!"
Jonesy: "Just read from the script I wrote. It's Oscar-worthy material. At the very least a Gemini."
[Caitlin looks over the script, pulls out her phone, and makes a call.]
Mr. Wong: "Hello?"
Caitlin: "Good day, Mr. Wong. I am calling on behalf of the Senior VIP–"
Jonesy: [whispering] "Senior VP!"
Caitlin: [covering the phone] "It clearly says VIP! Learn to spell!" [to Mr. Wong] "The Senior VP of ruts."
Mr. Wong: "Alright."
Caitlin: "Due to a scheduling conflict, your interview will now be held at the Grind Me in the mall. Do not, I repeat do not, go to Head Office."
[The guys cringe, awaiting the reply.]
Mr. Wong: "Uh, okay."
Caitlin: "Great. We'll see you then."
[Caitlin hangs up. The guys exhale, relieved.]
Caitlin: "You really think this will work?"
Jonesy: "Nikki said her dad has his final interview today. But Ruts won't hire him if he blows the interview."
Wyatt: "Never happen. Have you met Mr. Wong?"
Jonesy: [putting on a black wig and glasses] "I happen to know him intimately."
Wyatt: [shocked] "You're going to impersonate Mr. Wong at the mall?!?"
Jonesy: "Correction. I'm going to impersonate Mr. Wong at Head Office while Jude impersonates the Senior VP of Ruts and interviews the real Mr. Wong back here." [He hands Jude a suit.]
Jude: "I get to be a Senior VP? Cool!!!" [after a beat] "I have no idea what that is."
Caitlin: "What about me? I love dressing up!"
Jonesy: [giving her glasses and a hat] "You'll be Jude's faithful assistant. We'll call you Lola."
Caitlin: "I really should wear hats more often. Cute, no?"
Wyatt: "This is so wrong I don't even know where to start!"
Jonesy: "No one tell Nikki! If she accidentally lets it slip to her folks, we're sunk."
Jude: "I need to move before interviewing Nikki's dad. Peace!"
[Caitlin, Jude, and Jonesy walk out of the game store.]
Wyatt: "I have no idea what any of you people are doing!"
[Caitlin walks up to her workplace and finds a welcome mat laid out in front of it.]
Caitlin: "Why is there a welcome mat in front of my lemon?"
[Caitlin opens the Big Squeeze and gasps. A clothesline has been strung up inside, and a potted plant is sitting on the counter. Jude rises up, dressed in his suit, and yawns.]
Caitlin: "Jude? What're you doing? Why are you already in your suit?"
Jude: "Lost my house key, bra. I'm officially homeless."
Caitlin: "Do you have to be homeless in my lemon?"
Jude: "Gameatorium is being sprayed for roaches. Wasn't me! You won't even know I'm here."
[Caitlin pulls up her blender. Two socks are in it, and their are flies buzzing around them.]
Jude: "Heh heh. I'll take those."
[Caitlin looks at him disgustedly. From across the food court, Ron has the same expression.]
Ron: "Illegally habitating in the food court. We'll see about that." [He begins writing a ticket.]
[Nikki and Wyatt walk past Vegan Island.]
Nikki: "Stupid dad and his stupid new job. Can't he stay here and do his stupid old job instead?"
Wyatt: "Doesn't he totally hate working at Discount Dave's Fashion Cabana?"
Nikki: "Well I totally hate moving, but that doesn't seem to count!" [exhaling] "Jen refuses to discuss it, Jonesy acts like it doesn't even bug him–"
Wyatt: "Trust me, it's bugging him."
Nikki: "Mmm, what do you know?"
Wyatt: "Nothing! But with any luck, you won't have to switch towns, and schools–"
Nikki: [anxious] "New school! I never even thought about that!"
Wyatt: "No, I didn't mean to–"
Nikki: "And it'll be a mid-term transfer! Worst time ever to be the new kid at school!"
Wyatt: "C'mon, I'm sure you'll do fine."
Nikki: "Fine? Fine like Tessa from Texas? The only friend she's ever made is Julie! Even Darth shuns her!" [thinking the awful] "Maybe, back where she's from, Tessa was actually–cool! NNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
[Jen is sitting at the table despondently while Jude does laundry in the blenders. Caitlin watches them.]
Jude: "Why do things always have to change?"
[Jude hands Caitlin a pair of undies, and she hangs them up. Jude blows his nose into a new, unwashed pair.]
Nikki: [running up] "I don't want to be Tessa from Texas!"
Wyatt: "The girl at school with no friends and no boyfriend."
Caitlin: "Ah, yes. The curse of the midterm transfer student."
Nikki: "I don't wanna leave you guys. I like my life here. A lot. A lot a lot. So–I know I just said it was hopeless, but just forget about what I said, and help me!"
[Jonesy walks up wearing the wig and glasses. Nikki notices this, and then sees that Jude is in a suit.]
Nikki: "What's with the getups?" [to Jude] "You look like a goon–" [to Jonesy] "–and you look like my dad."
Jonesy: "Great! Um, I mean, I'm so broken up about you leaving, I've aged twenty years!"
Nikki: "I'll deal with you later. Right now I've got a million other questions." [Jonesy hides his disguise when she turns around.] "If our family has to move, how do I convince my parents to let me stay? And even if they say yes, where will I live?"
Jen: "A million questions, and five best friends willing to help!" [The friends form a group hug.]
Nikki: "Oh, thanks guys."
Jude: [relaxed] "Whoo. Nikki isn't gonna move, I've gotta rockin' crash pad, life is sweet."
[Ron's hand clamps down on Jude's shoulder.]
Ron: "This is a food stand, not a flophouse, maggot."
[Soon enough, Jude has loaded up all his gear into a grocery cart under the watchful gaze of Ron.]
Jude: "There's a vacancy at the lemon now." [He pushes his cart away.]
Nikki: "Oh, thanks Jude, but...no."
[The friends are gathered around the table. Only Jen and Jonesy are missing.]
Nikki: "Tell me someone had some luck!"
Caitlin: "I asked my parents if you could move in, but they didn't think it was right to break up your family."
Wyatt: "My parents want me to go with you."
Jude: "There's room in my cart."
[Nikki thunks her head on the table. Jen comes running up with Jonesy right behind her.]
Jen: "My mom said she's willing to consider taking you in for the rest of the school year!"
Nikki: "Willing to consider? Huh. The three sweetest words in the English language!"
Jen and Nikki: "EEEEE!"
Jen: "Once you move in, I'm sure we can convince them to let you stay till the end of high school."
Nikki: "Now I have to ask my parents. Ugh..."
Jen: "I'll do it! Parents love me."
Nikki: "Thanks, but this is something they should hear from me. I mean...how hard can it be?"
[A few hours later, it is proving to be very hard. Nikki's friends watch from the table as the argument heats up, getting louder and louder.]
Mr. Wong: "Listen to me and your mother! No daughter of ours is moving in with her boyfriend at sixteen!" [Nikki comes back to the table.] "She'll move and she'll like it! We'll take her by force if necessary!"
Nikki: [sitting down] "Let's just say it's a no-go. What am I gonna do now?"
Caitlin: "Only one thing left to do. You and Jonesy have to break up."
Jonesy: "Not helping."
Caitlin: "Think about it! If Nikki's parents think your relationship is over, maybe they'll reconsider!"
[Jonesy and Nikki look at each other, realizing the idea is viable. Jonesy runs over to Caitlin and hugs her.]
Jonesy: "You're a genius!"
Jonesy: "A gorgeous genius?"
Caitlin: "That's better."
Jude: "Dude! Time for the main event!"
[Jude turns Jonesy around in the direction of the Wongs, who are walking towards the table.]
Jonesy: [improvising] "Would you stop harping on me to get a job? The Jonesmiester doesn't work. He's better as a kept man!"
Nikki: "What are you doing?" [She sees her approaching parents.] "Oh! Oh!" [She stands up and gets into the act.] "If you think I'm gonna support your taco habit, you've got another thing coming, bub! Get a job! Uh, do better in school! Or we're through! I deserve a winner!"
Jonesy: "Well then I'm all wrong for you! I'm a total loser! Wait–"
Nikki: "You're right! We are so over!!!"
Jonesy: "Fine by me!"
[Jonesy stomps away. Nikki's parents grin at each other, ecstatic, and leave. As soon as they're gone, Jonesy comes running back.]
Jonesy: [whispering] "Love ya."
Nikki: "Me too." [They exchange a short kiss.]
Jude: [pushing his shopping cart] "If you dudes will excuse me, I have to find somewhere to live."
[A naked Jude is about to dive into the fish tank at Super Terrific Happy Sushi.]
Jude: "Comin' through, lobster dudes."
[Jude dives into the water. A few seconds later, Hiro throws the kitchen doors open angrily.]
Hiro: "What are you doing in my fish tank?!?!?"
Jude: "Just takin' my morning bath, sushi guy." [Hiro unsheathes his katana.] "Whoa!"
[Jude scrambles out of the tank, grabs his clothes, and makes a run for it.]
Jude: "Whoa! Later!"
[Hiro stops short of slicing him apart and lets Jude run out of the store alive. Naked, but alive.]
[Jonesy has gone to Head Office dressed as Nikki's father.]
Senior VP: "Mr. Wong! Nice to finally meet you!" [He pauses.] "Why, you're not old enough to have a teenage daughter!"
Jonesy: "Am too!" [changing his voice] "I mean, I drink a lot of green tea."
Senior VP: [laughing] "Don't be nervous now!"
Jonesy: "Not nervous at all, I've thrown plenty of interviews." [The VP raises an eyebrow.] "I mean, aced plenty of interviews. Heh."
[Jude is trying out an Egypt-themed store. He crawls out of a miniature pyramid.]
Jude: "Man! Egypt sure is cramped." [He spots Ron.] "Can't be late for the interview."
Ron: "I see you, maggot." [as Jude runs away] "No loitering!"
Jonesy: "Kids should be banned from our retail outlets. They're like wild dogs, shedding and drooling everywhere."
Senior VP: "That'll attract a higher-wage-earning clientele! And richer customers equal greater profits!"
Jonesy: "Seriously, you like that idea?" [The interviewer nods.] "No washrooms in my stores, employees can pee on their own time."
Senior VP: "Well that'll cut down building costs!"
Jonesy: "I'll only be in my office when my irritable bowel syndrome isn't flaring up, and it's always flaring up." [He farts.] "Oh, yeah."
Senior VP: "Reduced accessibility equals greater oversight! You really know your business strategy, Mr. Wong!"
Jonesy: "No sugar and cream in my break rooms, 'cause there are no breaks!" [He pours a full container of cream out on his interviewer's head.]
Senior VP: "That'll save thirty-four percent on overhead!"
Jonesy: "You've gotta be kidding me."
Senior VP: "I never joke when I offer someone a job! You're hired!" [He shakes Jonesy's hand.]
[Jude is interviewing the real Mr. Wong.]
Jude: "What's your fave color? And what's your take on space aliens?" [whispering] "I've totally seen 'em."
Mr. Wong: "This is all a bit unorthodox, but okay. Dark blue, and yes, I believe in the concept of life on other planets."
Jude: "Great answers, Mr. Dude."
Mr. Wong: "Mr. Wong."
Jude: "Exactly. Just one more question. What would you do if a kid did a reverse ollie off the counter in one of your Ruts stores? Hmm?"
Mr. Wong: "Probably start clapping? I used to be quite the boarder, though in my day it was on longboard."
Jude: [shaking his hand] "You're so hired!"
Mr. Wong: "Fantastic!"
Mr. Wong: "When can we discuss salary and location?"
Jude: "Um...tell him, Lola."
Caitlin: "Me? Oh, you're such a–great boss! Heh!" [pushing Mr. Wong away] "Just go away now, we'll be in touch."
Jude: "Don't call us, we'll call you!"
[Caitlin looks at Jude angrily.]
[The gang are gathered around the table. The only one missing is Nikki.]
Jonesy: "I did everything I could! I even farted and poured cream on his head, but the guy still loved me!"
Wyatt: "Of all the times for that to happen."
Jonesy: "Guess Nikki really is leaving."
Nikki: [walking up with her father] "I'm so glad we're over! Now I can concentrate on my studies!"
[Jonesy leans back in his chair and burps.]
Mr. Wong: "Uch! Are you sure you can handle living with that brute?" [Jonesy picks his nose and burps.]
Nikki: "Yep, living with Jerksy won't be easy."
Nikki: "But I can turn a blind eye for the sake of my academic career."
Mr. Wong: "Then you may have a trial sleepover before I make my final decision."
[Jude and Jen hi-five.]
Mr. Wong: "That young man looks familiar."
Jonesy: "Uh, quick, somebody pull my finger!"
[Wyatt does so, and Jonesy farts. Nikki's father gasps and pulls his daughter away from the table. She surreptitiously flashes her friends a thumbs-up. They return it and breathe a sigh of relief.]
[Jen and Nikki are in Jen's bedroom.]
Jen: "I always sleep on the left, so you can have the right."
Nikki: "Thanks, Jen." [She sets down a can of soda.]
Jen: [placing a coaster under it] "Oops! Wouldn't want to get ring-a-los."
[Nikki sits back on the bed and begins eating chips. Jen watches nervously.]
Nikki: [offering the bag] "Chip?"
Jen: [vacuuming up the crumbs] "No crummies in bed!"
[Jen is flipping through channels. She stops on one.]
Jen: "Yes! Law and Justice: Traffic Division is starting!"
Nikki: "Ugh. You're still into cop shows? I thought that was just a phase."
Jen: "Oh no. It's a passion. I mark 'em all in this journal so I'll never miss a single episode!"
[Nikki rolls her eyes.]
[It's bedtime. Nikki can't sleep, but Jen is sound asleep.]
Jen: "She shoots, she scores! Jen takes the gold, silver, and the bronze!"
[Nikki tries to blot out the sound.]
Jen: "Whoo! Go, Jen, go, Jen, go, Jen!"
Nikki: "Please! Stop! Talking!"
Jen: [still asleep] "She steps up to the podium, every inch a champion!"
[Jude is sleeping inside a beach store. Ron, who is wandering the mall, finds him.]
Ron: "That's number three, street meat! You're out of the mall for good!" [fiddling with his keys] "As soon as I find the right key."
[Jonesy is eating cereal in his bathrobe and slippers when he hears a knock on his glass backdoor. Glancing out, he sees a strange sight. The sight in question is a sopping wet Nikki.]
Jonesy: "Gah!" [opening the door] "Nikki?"
Nikki: "I just–sleepwalked into the pool. I always sleepwalk when I'm stressed."
Jonesy: "Relax. What have you got to stress about?" [Nikki looks at him angrily.] "Okay. So your dad did get the new job and your family is moving to the North Pole."
Nikki: "Iqaluit. We're moving to Iqaluit. As in, Nunavut?"
Jonesy: "But it's cool. 'Cause you're totally going to wind up living here. In Jen's room. Forever!"
[Jen hustles over with a vacuum cleaner and begins sweeping.]
Jen: [muttering] "Sure. Drip all over the floor. Who cares? It's not like anyone's gonna do anything about it. People can be so inconsiderate. But don't worry. Jen'll clean it up. Oh yeah, Jen takes care of everything!"
Nikki's thoughts: Iqaluit or here, I'm doomed!"
To Be Continued...
Nikki: [voice-over] "Last time on 6teen...My dad got a job offer he couldn't refuse."
Jonesy: "You're moving away?"
Nikki: [voice-over] "So the geniuses decided to do whatever it took to keep me here." [Jonesy as Mr. Wong is shown pouring cream on his interviewer's head.] "Only it backfired."
Senior VP: "You're hired!"
Nikki: [voice-over] "Now I've gotta go freeze with my family in the frozen tundra, unless I can snag permission to room with Jen."
Jen: [sleeping] "Go, Jen, go, Jen!"
Nikki: "Please! Stop! Talking!"
Nikki: [voice-over] "So, either way, I'm doomed!"
[Jonesy, Jen, Caitlin, and Wyatt are sitting around the table.]
Jen: "Nikki and her parents are probably scouting houses in Iqaluit right about now."
[Two pretty girls walk past the table.]
Jonesy: "If she were here, she could just smack me for checking out those two hot chicks. Aw, nothing's as fun when Nikki isn't here! I can't eat, I can't sleep–" [Jude comes by with his cart and a burrito. Jonesy grabs the burrito and bites into it.] "Okay. I can eat."
Jude: "Dude, my brekkie!"
Jonesy: "I have to keep my strength up! For Nikki!"
Caitlin: "I can't wait until she gets back tomorrow." [surprised] "Jude, you're still living at the mall?"
Jude: "Yep, my folks won't be home from vaca to unlock the door until this weekend."
[Jonesy's phone rings.]
Jonesy: "It's Nikki!"
Jonesy: [answering] "Babe! We were just talking about you! How's Iqaluit?"
Nikki: "The only thing that could possibly blow as much as the snow in Iqaluit is moving to Iqaluit." [She shivers.]
The opening credits roll.
The title of this episode is
Bye Bye Nikki? Part 2
[Caitlin serves two customers their drinks. Jonesy walks up to the Big Squeeze.]
Caitlin: "Hi Jonesy."
Jonesy: "AKA the new sales associate at the Bubble Box. We sell bubbles! Bubble bath, bubble gum, bubble wrap–love this stuff!" [He starts popping bubbles. Behind him, a kid takes Nikki's chair away.]
Jen: [walking up with Wyatt] "Nikki should be back any second now!"
[Jude walks up to the table with his shopping cart.]
Jude: "Ice cream shop kicked me out. Anyone know of a low-security zone where a bro can lounge in peace?"
Nikki: "Anywhere but Iqaluit."
[The friends gasp as they turn to see her and then run over to form a group hug.]
Wyatt: "Yay, Nikki!"
Jen: [gesturing to Nikki's place] "Sit down, tell us everything."
Nikki: "I would, but I don't have a chair."
[Jen looks at the empty spot and blinks, surprised. Wyatt retrieves a chair from another table and puts it in Nikki's place. Everyone has a seat.]
Jen: "So what's Iqaluit like?"
Nikki: "Cold, flat–the sun barely comes up all winter, and barely goes down all summer."
Jude: "You mean there's no night? No night means wicked fun all. Day. Long!"
Nikki: "Yeah, if you like your fun at fifty degrees below zero."
Jen: "Don't worry. We'll convince your folks to let you stay in town."
Nikki: "Already working on that." [pulling out a PDA] "Dad says if I can give them one hundred reasons not to move, we won't. So far I've only got twenty-three. I'm not sure hatred of snowshoes really counts."
Caitlin: "Don't be so pessimistic. It causes icky little frown lines here–" [She points under Nikki's eye.] "–and here." [She points at Nikki's forehead.]
Nikki: "Can you blame me for being pessimistic? I'm away for two days and you guys lose my chair!" [She looks over to Jonesy.] "And you! What's with the bubble wrap? You ready to move me?"
Jonesy: "No, I just–" [He accidentally pops a bubble and giggles.]
Jen: "C'mon. You need some comfort food."
Caitlin: "Ooh, I'm in." [She tosses her apron and hat into the Big Squeeze and shuts it.] "Ciao!"
[The girls leave.]
Jonesy: "We can't let Nikki's family move without a fight!" [His friends narrow their eyes.] "Okay! Another fight."
Wyatt: "And if it doesn't work this time?"
Jude: [whispering] "We take Nikki hostage."
[Jen, Caitlin, and Nikki are inside El Sporto's.]
Nikki: [sighing] "I've only got two more days to come up with seventy-seven reasons to not move."
Jen: "Don't worry, we'll help you."
Caitlin: "Ooh, I bet they don't even have an Albatross & Finch."
Nikki: "They don't have a mall!" [Jen and Caitlin gasp.] "Number fourteen on the list."
Caitlin: "Oh, it's so much worse than I thought."
Jen: "Ooh! No more face-to-face girl talks!"
Nikki: "Yeah! Good one."
[Jonesy and Nikki are in Jonesy's house.]
Nikki: "So–I've been thinking–if my parents make me move–maybe we should break up for real."
Jonesy: "C'mon, they'll let you stay!"
Nikki: "No, but if they don't, I don't want us to wind up hating each other. So–can we just shake on it?"
Jonesy: "I'd rather kiss on it."
Nikki: "Why am I not surprised?"
[Jonesy and Nikki enter Jen's room and find her exercising on a trampoline.]
TV: "Shake your booty! Shake! Shake! Slap your booty! Slap! Jump high!"
[Jonesy and Nikki begin laughing. This distracts Jen.]
Jen: "Gah!" [She falls off of the trampoline.] "Ow!"
Jonesy: [laughing] "Smooth move, Dorkarella!" [He kisses Nikki's cheek.] "Later." [He leaves.]
Jen: [calling after him] "It's called knocking!"
Nikki: "Just need to check my email."
Jen: "Can it wait? I'm downloading the latest Liza Lomen movie! We can watch it tonight!"
Nikki: [sarcastic] "Perfect."
[Nikki walks up to the Big Squeeze and finds Jude wearing a hat with several lights taped to it.]
Nikki: "Morning, Jude. What're you doing?"
Jude: "Seeing what day is like with no night." [He yawns.]
Nikki: "How long have you been here?"
Jude: "That depends. Is it still today, or is it tomorrow?"
Nikki: "Jude. You need to sleep." [sniffing the air] "And shower."
[The rest of the friends come by.]
Wyatt: "Hey. What's up?" [He sits down next to Jude and frowns.] "I don't even want to know what that is."
Wyatt: "Up-up-up-up! Not a word."
Nikki: [sighing] "I only have one more day to come up with forty-nine more reasons to stay."
Jen: "Don't give up. I have to go to work, but I'll call you if I think of any."
Nikki: "I should go too. Only downside of staying in town? Working at the Crappy Barn. Catch ya later."
[Nikki and Jen leave.]
Caitlin: "Good luck!"
Wyatt: "See you."
Jonesy: "Bye babe." [turning to the remaining three] "Okay. Operation: Keep Nikki From Moving is in effect. I'm gonna call her dad and tell him Iqaluit fell into the ocean."
Wyatt: "And I'm going to tell the Wongs they're arriving during Naked Month. Given how cold it is there, that should be a real turn-off."
Jonesy: "Naked Month, eh? Iqaluit doesn't sound so bad."
[Nikki is receiving a call from her father.]
Nikki: "Naked Month? Dad, it must have been a crank call." [after some more words] "But listen, hey, if you don't wanna go–" [Her father interrupts.] "Okay, okay okay, bye."
[Nikki hangs up.]
Kirsten: "You might be moving, but you still have to help!"
Nikki: "Trust me, you're beyond help." [Her cell phone beeps.] "And that's a break!"
[Nikki leaves the store. Her co-workers stare after her angrily.]
Kirsten: "Ugh! She is so selfless!"
Kristen: "I think you mean selfish?"
Kirsten: "No, that's what you get at Captain John's Boathouse Restaurant."
Kristen: "That's shellfish."
Kirsten: "What do shellfish have to do with Nikki?"
Kristen: [worried] "I have no idea!"
[Blade shuts down Things That Beep and heads home. Jude peeks out from his hiding spot.]
Jude: "Ha ha! Let the chillage begin!"
[Nikki and Jonesy are flipping stations on the radio.]
Nikki: "Eh...bleuch...it's like Jen's radio can't even pick up quality music."
Jonesy: "We could make our own music."
[Jonesy and Nikki start making out on Jen's bed. Jen walks in.]
Jen: "Not again!"
Jonesy: "Uh, it's called knocking?"
Jen: "Why can't you make out in your room?"
Jonesy: "'Cause my room smells like feet!"
Nikki: "Please don't make me go in there!"
Jonesy: "Anyway, this is Nikki's room too now. You're stuck with each other now, so you may as well get used to it."
Nikki: "Heh heh. Yeah."
Jen: "Heh heh. Yay."
[Jude is watching TV inside Things That Beep.]
Jude: [yawning] "Twenty-four hours of daylight's the only way to live."
[A while later, he isn't doing so well, however, as a horror movie has come on.]
Jude: "Don't go in there, dude, wh–the bad music's playing." [The slasher strikes.] "YAAA-HAA-HAA-AAAHH!"
[Jude hides behind his chair. Ron pokes a flashlight through the slightly-open door and shines it around.]
Ron: "Here, maggot, maggots. Come to Ronnie."
[Ron decides there's nobody there and slinks away.]
[The girls are sitting by the fountain. Jen sighs.]
Jen: "What are we up to now?"
Nikki: "Number seventy-eight: white makes me look bloated."
Caitlin: "Oh, so true."
Nikki: "Oh, there's no way I'll come up with twenty-two more reasons by tonight!"
Jen: "Maybe if you didn't spend all your time making out in my room–"
Nikki: "Don't you mean our room?"
Jen: "I'm the only one who cleans it!"
Nikki: "Because you're the only one who cares about invisible dirt!"
Caitlin: "Whoa! Best friends, remember?"
Nikki: "Not if we keep living together. I love you, Jen, but we're totally incompatible as roommates."
Jen: "I know. I'm so sorry, Nikki."
Nikki: "Me too. I guess that's that."
Caitlin: "But–you can't just give up now!"
Nikki: "What choice do I have?"
Jen: [crying] "Oh, Nikki!"
[The three join together in a tearful embrace.]
Nikki: [breaking the hug] "H-hey, at least there's one good thing about moving. Care to watch?"
[Nikki's friends have come to the Khaki Barn to watch. Nikki is standing on the sales counter with a bullhorn in her hand.]
Chrissy: "Nikki, counters are for folding!"
Nikki: [through the megaphone] "Step right up and dress like a tool, right here at the Crappy Barn!" [The Clones gasp. Nikki turns to a big-headed girl.] "That skirt makes your butt look like a sack of bricks." [to a young man] "Take that sweater off if you ever want to date again." [Nikki lowers the bullhorn and turns to Chrissy.] "And you." [Chrissy gasps.] "Khaki Barn represents everything wrong with the world today! It's just–robots dressing robots until everyone looks exactly the same!" [Kristen and Kirsten nod excitedly.]
Chrissy: "Uh, yeah? That's why it's cool."
Nikki: "Chrissy, you can take this job and stick it where the sun don't shine."
Kristen: "She means the basement, right?"
Nikki: [through the bullhorn] "Once and for all, and forever, I, Nikki Wong, totally, finally, undeniably QUIT!!!"
Jonesy: "That's my girl!"
Caitlin: "Yay, Nikki!"
Nikki: "Much better."
[The next day, everyone but Nikki is seated around the table.]
Jen: "Well, it's official. Nikki leaves tomorrow."
Jonesy: "Well, Operation: Keep Nikki From Moving has been a total bust. And to top it all off, I got fired! For popping bubble wrap!"
Jen: "After you wrapped yourself in it and had Jude punch you?"
Jonesy: "There must be something we can do."
[Jude gets an idea.]
Wyatt: "We are not taking Nikki hostage."
[Jude drops his hand.]
Caitlin: "I guess it's time to plan her going-away party."
Jen: "Okay. I'm only going to say this once, so pay attention. I already reserved Grind Me, just in case. You guys, shoot a killer farewell video." [Wyatt nods.] "Jonesy! Spread the party word." [Jonesy nods.] "Jude! Guard Grind Me. Gotta keep Nikki away till it's ready. And I'll start a collection so we can get Nikki a really special going-away gift! Let's do this thing!"
[The friends scatter to do their duties to Nikki.]
[Nikki wanders through the mall. She is trying to contact people with her phone.]
Jonesy's Voicemail: "I'm Jonesy's voicemail! Who are you?"
Nikki: "Hey. Going for my last coffee here in civilization. Call me." [She hangs up and tries someone else.]
Jen's Voicemail: "This is Jennifer Anne Masterson. Please leave an extremely detailed message, and I'll call you back as soon as humanly possible. Buh-bye!"
[Nikki hangs up and tries another friend.]
Caitlin's Voicemail: "Hi! To ask me out, press one. For shopping tips, press two."
Nikki: "Ugh! Where is everyone?"
[Wyatt is taking care of the video camera duties. Several people have gathered inside Grind Me.]
Caitlin: "Over here, Wyatt! Ooh, Coach Halder!" [The camera focuses on Coach Halder.] "Would you like to say goodbye to Nikki?"
Coach Halder: "Yep, so long, Nikki! Good knowin' ya. Good kid. Go Leafs go!"
Wyatt: [focusing the camera outside] "Oh no! Nikki!"
Caitlin: "Jude's supposed to be guarding Grind Me!"
[Wyatt focuses on Jude, who has finally succumbed to the temptation of sleep. Drool is dripping from Jude's mouth. Ron notices as he walks up.]
Ron: "Defiling the floor polish with bodily fluids?" [grabbing Jude] "You're coming with me."
[Ron drags Jude out of the store. Wyatt shuts off the camera and runs outside with Caitlin to stop Nikki.]
Caitlin: "Nikki! What are you doing?"
Nikki: "One last cappuccino on planet Earth." [Behind her, Jonesy and Jen run by with some balloons.] "Why is no one answering their cells?"
Wyatt: "Uh, satellite interference?"
Nikki: "I'm really gonna miss your pathetic inability to lie." [Behind her, Ron drags Jude to jail.]
Wyatt: "Not as much as I'll miss your brutal honesty."
[Jen leans out of the door to Grind Me, flashing her friends a thumbs-up.]
Caitlin: "C'mon. Let's get you that coffee." [She pushes Nikki inside.] "Surprise!"
Nikki: "No. Way."
[Nikki wipes a tear from her eye. A movie begins to play with everyone saying their goodbyes.]
Darth: [swinging a lightsaber] "The Force will always be with you, Nikki!"
[Darth loses his balance and runs into the camera. Julie steps into the frame.]
Julie: "If you think you're getting a goodbye kiss from my man, you are mistaken."
[A song Wyatt has written begins to play.]
Wyatt: "Oh, Nikki!" [Wayne salutes, the Clones wave goodbye, and two Greeter Gods flex their muscles.] "You say you gotta go." [George and Gracie Bickerson wave goodbye.] "We wanted you to know." [Stuart Goldstein, Pokey the Panda, and the Penalty Box Customer wave to her.] "Oh yeah, we'll never forget these happy times." [Yummy Mummy waves, and Stanley blows a raspberry.]
Nikki: "You made me a farewell video? And wrote me a song?"
Jen: "And, everyone chipped in on this." [She hands Nikki a gift-wrapped box.] "It's a laptop. So we can stay connected no matter what." [She wipes a tear from her eye.]
Nikki: "What? Uh–unbelieveable! Thanks!" [taking off her backpack] "I have something for each of you guys too. Hey, where's Jude?"
[Jude is napping in the jail cell. He is suddenly awakened by a loud clank.]
Jude: "Gah!" [Ron is standing in the cell with him.]
Ron: "Back in my day, teenagers knew the meaning of hard work. Respect for their elders. And basic Latin."
Jude: "No offense dude, but I think maybe you forget what it's like to be sixteen. It's like the scariest zombie flick you're ever gonna live through. Your parents start acting all weird, your face breaks out after eating like one small kilo of fries, and suddenly, you have a job. And a driver's license. And chick problems! But dude, think waaaaayyy back to those days when you were sixteen. Remember having friends? Those bras who leant you some cheddar when you're jonesing for some grindage? Who show up to your fish's funeral and lie to the rent-a-cop for you."
Ron: "I knew it!"
Jude: "Nikki's one of my peeps, but only for about fifteen more minutes! So please, for the love of dude, let me and my best friends hang together for one last time!"
[Ron stares at him for a few seconds before his eyes fill with tears.]
Ron: [sniffling] "That–" [sniffle] "–was–" [sniffle] "–beautiful."
Jude: "Who needs a hug?"
[Jude and Ron hug. Ron cries for a few seconds before recovering his composure.]
Ron: [still almost crying] "Now, get out there and be with your friends, soldier." [about to cry] "That's an order!" [He begins crying.]
Jude: "Yes, dude, thank you, dude!" [He runs out of the jail cell as behind him Ron falls apart.]
Ron: "LEAVE ME!"
[Caitlin has started crying again.]
Caitlin: "I'm so gonna miss you."
Nikki: "Me too." [pulling a card from her backpack] "Here."
Caitlin: "A cut up credit card with my name on it? You know you can't shop with these, right?"
Nikki: "It's the one the Clones cut up on your first day here. I saw it in the trash at the Crappy Barn and saved it 'cause I was gonna prank you. We didn't get off to a great start. But now? You're the kindest person I know. And this is to remind you that you'll always land on your feet. No matter what happens."
Caitlin: [sniffling] "That–is the sweetest thing–anyone–" [She bursts into tears.]
Jen: "You've been my best friend since kindergarten. I thought we'd be together forever." [She chuckles sadly.]
Nikki: "We will be, I'll just–be a little farther away." [She hands Jen a present.]
Jen: "The flier for my very first snowboarding competition?"
Nikki: "So you never forget where you're headed. Don't you ever give up on your dreams, Jen."
[Jen tries to say something but can't as she's too choked up. She begins crying and hugs Nikki.]
Nikki: "Me too."
Jonesy: [watching from the doorway] "Oh man! I can't do this!" [Wyatt walks up to Nikki.]
Nikki: "I think this is going to be almost as hard as saying goodbye to the girls."
Wyatt: "I'll take that as a compliment."
Nikki: "The thing I have–I'm not actually gonna give to you." [She holds up a CD with a picture of a young Wyatt.]
Wyatt: "Whoa. The first CD I ever recorded."
Nikki: "We were twelve. I just want you to know I still listen to it." [They hug. In the background, Nikki's parents notice. Jude is the next one up.]
Jude: "Um–I'm gonna miss you. Huge. Bra."
Nikki: "Me too. You're one sweet dude." [pulling out a hat] "And if anyone can pull off this look, it's you."
[Nikki turns around to find her friend has fallen asleep again. Nikki removes his ski cap and puts a furry hat on him.]
Jonesy: "I can't say goodbye to Nikki. Gah! She's coming, hide me!" [He dives behind the sofa.]
Nikki: [looking for her boyfriend] "Uh, Jonesy?"
Jonesy: [peeking out, heartbroken] "Jonesy's not here right now, leave a message. Beep."
Nikki: "Okay. I know you don't want this to be it. Me neither. But, since it is our last night together, I want you to know...I'll always love you." [Jonesy runs over and hugs Nikki.] "Ow!"
Jonesy: "I'll always love you too, Nikki."
[The rest of the friends schooch in for a group hug.]
Caitlin: "We all love you, Nikki."
[They close in for a hug, and a slideshow of memories begins to play over a softer, slower, sadder version of the 6teen theme.]
- Life begins after school
That's when we bend all the rules
Time to hang with all my friends
We like to be together
In a place where we belong
- I'm sixteen, starting to find my way
Live for tomorrow, don't forget about yesterday
Thank god, I'm on my own for the first time
I'm sixteen, life is sweet
When you're growing up so fast
You gotta make the good times last
- If I could turn back time
I wouldn't change a thing
'Cause we had growing up to do
Now that I'm getting older
Wanna spend the rest of my life
- Sixteen, starting to find my way
Live for tomorrow don't forget about yesterday
Thank god I'm on my own for the first time
I'm sixteen, life is sweet
When you're growing up so fast
You gotta make the good times last...
- What do you get from life
If you don't ever let go
Just let go!
- [Instrumental break]
- Sixteen, life is sweet
When you're growing up so fast
You gotta make the good times last.
Life began after school
When did they change all the rules?
[The hug breaks up. Nikki wipes a tear from her eye.]
Nikki: "I'm never going to forget you guys."
[The microphone at the poetry stage crackles. Mr. and Mrs. Wong have taken the stage so they can speak.]
Mrs. Wong: "Oh Nikki?"
Mr. Wong: "This going-away party is over!"
Wyatt: "Aw, what?"
Nikki: "Ugh! Can't we just say goodbye in peace?"
Mr. Wong: "No! We've decided this shouldn't be a going-away party. It should be–"
Mrs. Wong: "A staying-here party!"
Caitlin, Nikki, Jen, Wyatt, and Jonesy: "What?" [Jude wakes up.]
Mrs. Wong: "After all we've seen, we can't make you leave. So your father's going to keep his job here instead."
Nikki: "We're staying?" [getting it] "We're staying!"
[A cheer rises in the air.]
Jude: "Way to go, bra!"
[The group congeals for another gigantic hug. Nikki looks towards the stage and sees that her father, although he believes he made the right decision, still feels let down. Her heart shatters a little.]
Nikki: "Wait, wait wait." [The hug breaks.] "Guys, I'm sorry, but I-I can't do this."
Wyatt, Jonesy, Jen, Caitlin, and Jude: "What?"
Nikki: "My folks have always sacrificed for me. Maybe it's time for me to grow up and make a sacrifice for them."
Jen: "Oh, Nikki."
Jonesy: "Aw, man!"
Caitlin: "That's so beautiful!"
Jude and Wyatt: "Wow."
Mrs. Wong: "Are you really sure about this, honey?"
[Nikki looks around her circle of friends.]
Jen: "We're behind you, no matter what."
Nikki: "This is the opportunity Dad's worked for his whole life! I can't make him give up his dreams. So we move. But on one condition. You have to give us all unlimited text and phone calls."
Mr. Wong: "Deal!"
[Nikki turns to her friends and invites them in for one last hug. She then gestures for her parents to join the hug. As the eight hold each other close, the crowd inside Grind Me cheers and applauds.]
[All five are sitting around the table. They've accepted that Nikki is leaving, but they're not happy about it.]
Jen: "Nikki should be getting on the plane right about now."
Wyatt: "I can't believe she's really gone."
Caitlin: "But we'll still talk to her all the time, right?"
Jude: "Totally, bra."
Jonesy: "Ugh! Why did I agree to break up with Nikki?"
Jen: "If you've changed your mind, you have to tell her!"
Jonesy: "But it's too late!"
Caitlin: "It's never too late to unbreak a heart!"
Wyatt: "Wow. Did you just make that up?"
Caitlin: "I know. I'm good."
Jen: "Caitlin's right, call her, quick!"
[Jonesy pulls out his phone and calls.]
Nikki's Voicemail: "Hey, this is Nikki–"
Jonesy: "Gah, it's busy!"
Jen: "One of us is bound to get through!"
[Everyone takes out their phone and calls.]
Jonesy: "Oh, come on, please!"
[On the plane, Nikki is trying to phone home.]
Jonesy's Voicemail: "I'm Jonesy's voicemail, who are you?"
Nikki: [hanging up] "Ugh! Why'd I break up with Jonesy? He's supposed to be the idiot, not me!"
[Nikki tries to call again.]
Jonesy's Voicemail: "I'm Jonesy's voicemail!"
Flight Attendant: "Excuse me, we're on the runway, so turn that off."
Nikki: "Sorry, but I just said goodbye to the best friends and the best boyfriend I'll ever have, and I need to tell him I don't want to break up anymore, so back off and let me undo the biggest mistake of my life!"
[The other passengers voice their assent.]
Random Guy: "Let her call!"
Teenager: "Have a heart!"
Businessman: "Let her call!"
[The flight attendant sighs a harassed sigh and walks away. Nikki tries again and gets through.]
Jonesy: [simultaneously] "Nikki?"
Nikki and Jonesy: "I don't want to break up! Me neither! Whew!"
[On the plane and in the mall, people cheer.]
Wyatt: "Alright, Nikki!"
[Behind Nikki, the flight attendant clears her throat.]
Nikki: "Okay, seriously have to go now."
Caitlin: "We love you!"
Wyatt: "See you!"
Jonesy: "Love you!"
Jude: "Peace out!"
Jen: "Bye Nikki!"
Nikki: "I love you too, guys! Bye for now!" [She hangs up. In the mall, Jonesy sighs happily.]
Jonesy: "Maybe everything will be okay after all."
[The camera zooms out, providing a wide, wide view of the food court, which is cluttered with many of the characters that appeared throughout the series. Ron drags a teenager with an orange mohawk away.]
Ron: "You're coming with me!"