Deadbeat Poets Society is the 29th episode of the series and the second episode of the second season, which aired on November 10, 2005 in Canada and on November 17, 2008 in the United States.
Wyatt's recent breakup with Serena is making him crazy, and his craziness is driving everyone else crazy. As a result, Jude's girlfriendStarr agrees to try and get him to chill out.
Starr is showing off some food from Vegan Island to Jude. She then states that it's probably not such a good idea to give it to the gang. Jude states that they're usually broke and, as such, not very picky, and Starr says, "that's cool", and brings the food over to the table. There, she talks for a long time, annoying the friends, before she suggests they try it. Jude mentions that it's free, and the gang all reach out and gingerly take a piece. Once they bite into it, their eyes bulge. Jonesy distracts Jude and Starr by telling them to look in another direction, and everyone spits out the food. When they turn back, Jonesy tells them he thought he saw the Easter Bunny. Suddenly, Wyatt gets up and hides behind a trash can. When his friends ask what he's doing, Wyatt says he's hiding from Serena. She and a friend walk by, not noticing him. Meanwhile, at a nearby table, a jock has finished his soda. He tells his girlfriend that he's going to hit a three-pointer and tosses the cup at the trash. It hits Wyatt on the head, much to his displeasure. Wyatt then gets up and heads back to his friends, soda in his hair. Jude says to look at the bright side: it could have been a chili bowl.
Later, Jonesy asks if Wyatt has any dignity, and Wyatt replies bitterly. Nikki then suggests he stop being so bitter, and Caitlin agrees. They then notice he's shaking. When they ask him why, Wyatt tells his friends that he hasn't had coffee because Serena was at the coffee shop earlier. Caitlin then offers to take him, but Wyatt ignores her. He mutters that he should join a monastery. At this, Jonesy tells Wyatt that he's acting crazily, and leaves to go to work. Caitlin grabs Wyatt and pulls him off to get coffee.
Jonesy's new job is at the pharmacy. His boss gives him an oath where he has to promise to keep all customer information confidential. Jonesy promises, and his boss leaves to ready some prescriptions. A girl then walks in and goes over to a counter. Jonesy walks over and asks what he can do to help her. At first she isn't ready to tell him, but he gains her confidence by saying he's taken an oath. She then whispers her problem into Jonesy's ear. Jonesy proceeds to ask a question to his boss by yelling it across the store: "Hey Mr. Goldstein! What do we give to people with really bad constipation?"
Wyatt is hiding outside Grind Me. When Caitlin tells him he can come in with her, he says he won't, citing that all women are sisters and Serena's best friend works the counter. Caitlin goes in by herself and orders Wyatt's usual. Charmaine says that sounds a lot like someone else's order, and while mixing the drink says that Wyatt can come in if he wants. Caitlin receives the coffee and takes it out to Wyatt. She then tells Wyatt that he can come in if he likes. Wyatt is initially relieved by this, but he quickly descends into paranoia, stating that he got stiffed on the foam. He says that it's to get back at him for yelling at Serena. Caitlin points out that this is crazy–getting back at someone through foam? Wyatt ignores this and states he needs another cappuccino so he can run a comparison.
Caitlin leaves to go to work. On the way, she calls Nikki and tells her Wyatt is going nuts. Nikki comments that it's true. The Clones walk by, sporting a brown hair color. They have gone brunette.
Jen is working at the Penalty Box with Charlie Dobbs. She mentions that they can't let Coach Halder know they are dating, and so Charlie asks about Wyatt. Jen replies that Wyatt's taking his break-up hard, but her boyfriend gets distracted when a pretty girl walks by. Jen then calls him out on it, and manages to trap him in a sea of convoluted logic. Finding no escape, Charlie quietly mutters "Help." but Jen ignores him, and goes to push the girl into a display rack.
Starr, Jude, Wyatt and Wayne are in Underground Video. Wayne makes comments about the "issues" Wyatt has. Wyatt then asks for a break. Wayne agrees, and Wyatt leaves the store. Jude then asks Starr to keep an eye on Wyatt. She agrees and follows Wyatt out.
Starr enters the Grind Me just in time to see Wyatt measuring the foam in Tattoo Muscle Guy's cappuccino. The muscleman grabs him angrily and prepares to pound Wyatt. Starr stops him, saying that Wyatt just really likes to measure things. She then drags him over to a table, where Wyatt remarks that he was right about getting less foam. Starr then says he has a problem and she'll help him fix it.
Wyatt comes back to the Grind Me later and meets Starr outside. Starr tells him that she got him a place at the poetry reading held inside. Wyatt is initially reluctant, but Starr shoves him inside, essentially forcing him to read. Charmaine then announces the first reader: one of their regulars, Coach Halder. Halder steps up to the microphone and delivers an ode to being a benchwarmer. The next poet? Wyatt. The crowd snaps their fingers to applaud him, and Wyatt says to Starr it's not a good idea for him to do this. Starr ignores him, saying he needs to get it out, and shoves him up onto the stage. Wyatt settles in and realizes he has to improvise. Starr suggests he think about Serena, and this is a finger on the trigger of his rage. He spits out his fury about Serena, and finishes with a Daltrey-esque scream. The small crowd gathered bursts into applause, and he leaves the stage, anger somewhat sated. He then says to Starr he has to do this again, but she can't tell the gang, as they'd laugh. Starr agrees, and they pinky swear.
The next day, Starr is rambling on to the gang. Wyatt arrives, happy with how things are going. Nikki notices and asks if he's okay. He says he's doing well, and tells Starr to continue. Starr continues with her never-ending story, and Nikki pulls out her phone. She pretends to check the time, and she asks Starr and Jude if they aren't going to be late for work. The two agree and leave. Wyatt follows them. Jen then points out that Wyatt is suddenly happy, and that she's going to find out why. Caitlin is in, but Nikki says she can't; she has to go to work with Blonde and Blonder, who are now brunettes for some reason. Jonesy agrees, saying he ought to get back to the mall pharmacy.
Caitlin and Jen follow Wyatt. Both are wearing blond wigs. Wyatt suddenly gets the sense of being followed and turns around to find nobody there. This is because the two have ducked into the Khaki Barn. Wyatt turns back around and walks onward. Meanwhile, the brunette clones have noticed the blond hairdos on Caitlin and Jen and state that they are out of date and have to be blonde again. The brown-haired clones leave, telling Nikki to watch the store.
Later, Wyatt is congratulating Coach Halder on his poetry yesterday. The spying girls see this and ask what the two could possibly have in common. Charlie Dobbs then sees Jen and asks her about the new blond hairstyle. They are starting to get wrapped up in conversation when Caitlin interrupts and drags Jen along after Wyatt. Wyatt crosses the food court and enters the coffee shop. Inside, he takes his scheduled place and recites another poem about hating love. His two friends are so shocked at this that they blurt out his name, attracting undue attention from him. He sees them and slumps, defeated.
Later, Caitlin and Jen have told Jonesy, who is laughing at it. Jude then appears with Starr and asks what's going on, and Jonesy tells him. Wyatt comes up, sees Jonesy laughing, and resigns himself. Nikki then comes to the table and asks what is going on, and Starr tells her. Wyatt accepts that the gang all know, and sighs unhappily. Caitlin then asks if they can come watch, and Wyatt denies them this. He states that it takes some maturity to appreciate it, and this ends in the gang taking offense. Jude is the only one willing to admit he's immature, but he adds the caveat that he'd still like to see it. Wyatt is finally worn down, and he tells them it's at 7 sharp before he leaves. After that happens, Jonesy says that he is going to laugh at this, but everyone else points out he can't, as this is important to Wyatt. They then discuss techniques for not laughing. Suddenly, Jonesy sniffs the air and asks what the delicious smell is. Starr tells him it's her newest creation: a bean burrito. The gang quickly empty the plate, enjoying it all. After they finish, Nikki suggests a trial run. This ends poorly, with them all laughing. Jen notes that they have to get it under control by the time of the reading, but then cannot control it, instead laughing along with the others.
Later, the gang arrive at the coffee shop, and Jen declares that they cannot make fun of anybody until they are at least 30 paces from the shop, no matter what. The gang then enter. Inside, Wayne gives a discourse on cool. He is followed by Ron, who has a poem about war and death and fear and life and everything. This scares the gang completely. The hostess then comes up, slightly disconcerted by Ron, and invites the next guest up: Julie. Julie does one about being a woman. Next up is Wyatt, who goes into another rant on how he hates Serena, although as always he doesn't directly mention her. Halfway through, Caitlin's stomach begins to rumble. It rumbles and grumbles until the bean burritos act and she spits out an applauding fart. This causes the gang to laugh. In the middle of the fit, Jen's wig falls off, causing them to laugh harder. Wyatt throws the microphone down and stomps out. His friends run after him, but he tells them he doesn't want to hear from them. The friends then lament among themselves before Nikki comes up with a plan.
Nikki pushes open the doors of the Khaki Barn. They have been closed tightly. She looks inside and calls out. She gets a response from the Clones. When she goes over to see them, the Clones tell her that they can't leave. They then stand up, revealing they have green hair. The clones need her help, and they'll do anything to get it. They cave to Nikki's demands of having the weekend off with pay and that they say she's the most fashionable girl they've every seen. Nikki leaves and comes back with the wigs Jen and Caitlin were wearing earlier, and the clones thank her.
Later, the gang are gathered around the Big Squeeze, trying to write a poem for Wyatt, when Jonesy mentions that Jen had her boyfriend pick up tampons and a girl magazine for her. When Jen says she didn't, she reaches the conclusion that Charlie is cheating on her. At that point he comes up behind her, noting she's a brunette. They then begin to argue, with Jen saying that Charlie cheated on her. Her boyfriend then said he never did. Jen then brings up the tampons and magazine as Stuart Goldstein walks past. Stuart stops behind Jonesy and listens in. Charlie then tells Jen that the items were for his mother, and asks if she always jumps to conclusions. Nikki answers in the affirmative, and Jen asks if they're okay now. Mr. Goldstein then speaks up, saying that Jonesy is fired for breaking the pharmaceutical oath.
Later, the gang have finished their poem.
Jonesy, Starr, Jude, and Nikki enter Underground Video to get Wyatt. Wyatt ignores them until Wayne speaks up. Wayne delivers a tirade where he skewers Wyatt for not listening or forgiving his friends, and most importantly, bringing his drama into Underground Video. Wyatt then leaves with his friends, looking lackluster.
At the coffee shop, the gang (except Wyatt) utter a poem of apology about the laughter. They conclude by saying that if he takes them back as his friends, they'll never come to another poetry reading again. The coffee shop boos them roundly with the exception of Wyatt, who applauds. When his friends step down, he tells them it was terrible, but he does accept their friendship. Caitlin runs over and hugs him, and it seems to be a tender moment. Then some guy ruins it by yelling "Hey! You're the fart girl!" Caitlin bursts into tears and runs out of the coffee shop.
Wayne: So the guy's obsessing over foam. Wow. I thought I had issues.
Starr: Okay, sit down! I think I know what your problem is. Wyatt: I have a problem? Starr: Yeah, you need a healthy way to cleanse your aura without bugging the crap out of all your friends.
Coach Halder:(reciting his poem) Riding the bench. Hard cold wood under my butt. Feels kind of like paper after a while, or just a hard desk chair. I didn't make the cut! I'm not good enough. Put me in, coach! DE-FENSE! DE-FENSE! De- (inhale) thank you, thank you, thank you.
Wyatt: Hot record store girl with the fly jeans, YOU SUCK! I hate your stupid jeans, and I hate your new boyfriend's stupid hair! You made me look like a jerk, you ditched me, left me, and YOU SUCK! I WISH I NEVER MET YOU! AH! (Runs offstage)
Wyatt: Where was the crossing guard when I was crossing Lover's Lane? Where was the guard when I was mowed down by a Sedan named Woman? You should've honked your horn, Woman! I didn't see you coming, Woman! BAM!
Starr: Do you guys think you can watch without laughing? Jonesy: Are you kidding? This is gonna be hilarious. Jen: Jonesy, you can't laugh, no matter how funny it is! Nikki: Jen's right. Now who has a good technique for not laughing? Caitlin: Okay, I clench my teeth together really tight, stare straight ahead, and count to ten. Jonesy: I just think of dead kittens.
Wayne: What is cool? That elusive evasive elastic entity fluid like the water, man, the water in the pool, man! I'd dive in, but I'd probably drown 'cause my dad never taught me to swim, man. I leave you here with this: WHO CARES!?
Ron:(shock and awe) An ode to jungle combat. You think you can escape from reality. I AM reality! Do what you're told, Soldier, or the machine breaks down, WE BREAK DOWN! IT ALL GOES DOWNHILL, SOLDIER! RUN! DANK, DARK, SWAMPY PRISON FEAR IS GOOD! SMELL THAT FEAR! NOW, RUN, SOLDIER! RUN! Jonesy: That... didn't make me want to laugh...
Julie: I... am... WOMAN! RAWR! I prowl through the warm night, hunting the taste of your LIPS on my LIPS! Unleash my inner woman! Make! Me! Purr...
Starr is revealed to know how to use a sleeper grip as she uses Wayne for a live demonstration.
Kristen and Kirsten dyed their hairs brunette, but then, their hairs accidentally turned to green when they try to go back to being blonde again.
Jonesy's job: employee at the mall pharmacy Reason for firing: told Jen that Charlie Dobbs had purchased women's magazines and a box of tampons from the pharmacy, thus violating the policy of keeping customer privacy secret.
The episode title is a reference to Robin Williams' "Dead Poets Society", and it's a pun on the word "deadbeat", which is used to describe a person who doesn't have any money.
This is the first episode to reveal Wyatt's full name.
Caitlin refers to the Russian ballet dancer Mikhail Baryshnikov when talking about her butt muscles.
At one point, Wayne refers to Pamela Anderson, an actress best known for playing a lifeguard on the TV series Baywatch.
Goof: When the gang is trying out Starr's new recipes, Jen eats the fungus one. Given that she is highly allergic to mushrooms, she should know better than to consume them.
Goof: When Gwen appeared in this episode, she had blonde hair instead of her usual light brown hair, though it's possible that she dyed it.
Goof: When Caitlin says "I'll never be able to face those people again!" she pronounces "again" as "a gain."
Goof: Nikki requests the weekend off with pay, and Kristen gives it to her. This isn't possible, however, as Chrissy is the manager and the only one of the Clones able to do this for her.
Starr's newest dishes
Jen and Caitlin's opinion of Starr's newest dishes