[Jude is arranging sticks in a jar at his workplace. He finishes up.]
Jude: "Sheer perfection in a stick jar. In Japan, I'd be elected president."
Jonesy: [holding a clipboard] "I'm impressed!" [He writes something down.]
Jude: "Dude, you're freaking me out with the clipboard. I feel like I'm in school or something."
Jonesy: "I'm a secret shopper. Check it out: I go to stores and pretend to shop, then I rate their service."
Jude: "How can it be a secret if you just told me?"
Jonesy: "That's the best part. You let it slip that you're the secret shopper, and everyone's so into getting a good rating, they just start giving you stuff!" [He gestures to a shopping cart full of stuff.] "For free!"
Jonesy: "So, what's the special today?"
Jude: "Noodles on a stick."
Jonesy: "It sure looks good."
Jude: "Darn right, made it myself."
Jonesy: "A bunch of free noodles would probably be really delicious, huh?"
Jude: "Yeah, a whole bunch of delicious."
[A silence descends on the store. Jonesy waits for Jude to get it. Finally, he sighs.]
Jonesy: "Jude, give me a free box, and I'll give you a high rating."
Jude: "Oh. Yeah! Right!"
The opening credits roll.
The title of this episode is
Employee of the Month
Kristen: [greeting customers] "Have a Khaki day!"
[Chrissy comes up to the counter with a pile of clothes and dumps them there.]
Chrissy: "Can you run these returns through?"
Nikki: [ignoring her] "In a minute."
Chrissy: "Excuse me? You're not even doing anything!"
Nikki: [heaving a sigh] "Fine." [She works as slowly as possible.]
Chrissy: "I need them done before Christmas?"
Nikki: "I think that might be possible."
Chrissy: "You know what, Nikki?"
Nikki: [irritated] "What, Chrissy?"
Chrissy: [putting her thumb and index finger close together] "You are about this close to being so fired."
Nikki: [putting her thumb and finger even closer together] "Tell me when I'm this close, and I'll call a cab."
[Chrissy growls and storms off.]
Nikki: [cheerful] "Seeya."
[Chrissy runs into the clipboarded Jonesy.]
Jonesy: "Are you the manager here?"
Chrissy: "Yes. Can I help you?"
Jonesy: "I really shouldn't tell you this, but...I'm a secret shopper, hired by the mall's Head Office. To do an evaluation report on customer service."
Chrissy: [grinning nervously] "Oh! So is there anything I can do to help the evaluation go smoothly?"
Jonesy: "Now that you mention it, I do kind of like your current line of cargo pants."
[Chrissy looks at the wall and then back at Jonesy. Jonesy raises his eyebrows at her, and Chrissy runs to get them for him. She shows him five types.]
Chrissy: "They come in five shades of tan." [surreptitiously] "Give me a good recommendation, and I'll give you the boyfriends-only discount."
Jonesy: "Really. Nice. Here's a tip: Khaki Barn Head Office is considering you as Manager of the Year."
Chrissy: "No way!"
Jonesy: "Yes way. In fact, they said if it weren't for one of your salespeople, lagging behind, every month–" [whispering] "You'd be a shoo-in."
Chrissy: "You know, just when you think you've made it to the top, someone drags you down. Tell Head Office to consider her fired."
Jonesy: "Well, you gotta do what you gotta do, right? I'll try these on now."
Chrissy: "Change rooms are over there."
Chrissy: [calling sweetly] "Oh Nikki!"
Jonesy: [realizing something] "Wait. Did you just say you were gonna fire someone?"
Chrissy: "Oh yeah. Nikki's a total pain in my butt. I cannot wait to fire her."
Jonesy: [shaken] "Y-yeah, but–as manager, you, uh, think-think you could show more superior management skills–by-uh-uh-I don't know, uh, training her?"
Chrissy: "Her sales were -5% last month."
Jonesy: "The downtown location hasn't fired an employee in fifteen years! I-is that how you want to be known? As the manager who fires people?"
Chrissy: "You don't understand. She's like a bratty little kid. I can't bring her into line!"
Jonesy: "Yeah, but if you could, imagine the respect you'd get upstairs."
Chrissy: [imagining it] "Oh I'd be such a hero." [She grins evilly.]
Jonesy: "I could give you some ideas if you want. I'll be in the change room."
Nikki: [going the other way] "I'll be in the can."
[Chrissy glares and growls at Nikki before running to the changing rooms.]
Chrissy: "Okay tell me what to do to make Manager of the Year!"
Jonesy: "You said Nikki's like a kid? Maybe a little reverse psychology would work."
Chrissy: [grinning evilly] "Not a bad idea. Thanks." [She walks away, formulating a plan.]
Jonesy: [leaving the dressing room with the pants] "I'm such a good friend."
[Jonesy is talking to Jude at his job.]
Jonesy: "So, who's your employer?"
Jude: [shrugging] "I got interviewed by the dude who used to do my job–wait. How will they know what a good job I'm doing if they don't know who I am?"
Jonesy: "Who cares?"
Jude: "I do! I've never done a good job at school, or cleaning my room–I want someone to know."
Jonesy: "All I have for the Stick It is a telephone number." [He gives it to Jude.] "See you later. Soft and Lacy is about to have a Christmas sale for a certain secret shopper."
Jude: [looking at the number] "And so the quest for my real boss begins. I will find him. Or her."
[At the Khaki Barn, Kirsten is helping out a pre-teen girl.]
Kirsten: "That sweater is so perfect on you. I see a lot of girls come in here, and you are definitely one of them."
Nikki: [annoyed] "It's always like this at the end of the month."
Nikki: "Chrissy picks Employee of the Month and they all scream and congratulate each other."
Wyatt: "Wow, that's really sad."
Kristen: "You rocked that sale!"
Kirsten: "It's like taking candy from a baby."
Kristen: "Who loves Khaki Barn?"
Kirsten: "We love Khaki Barn!"
Kristen and Kirsten: [hip-bumping] "Who! Who! Who!"
Nikki: [interrupting] "That girl looks horrible in that sweater! You're sending her out into the world begging to be humiliated!"
[The girl hears Nikki's remarks and begins to softly cry.]
Kirsten: "Look what you've done. You're just jealous of my superior retailing ability."
Kristen: "Yeah, you'll never make Employee of the Month."
Nikki: "I'd rather pull a watermelon out of my nose." [Wyatt laughs silently.]
Wyatt: "I'm going for more coffee."
Nikki: "Later." [She returns to her magazine. Chrissy peeps out from behind a corner.]
Chrissy: "Ah, reverse psychology. Of course."
[A while later, Nikki is still reading her magazine. Kristen and Kirsten are arguing over who will win.]
Kristen: "I just know Chrissy's going to pick me this month."
Kirsten: "As if! I am so the next EotM."
Kristen: "I am buying you an alarm clock, 'cause you're soooooo dreaming! I am so much perkier than you."
Kirsten: "Uh! As if!"
[Kirsten shoves Kristen, and this soon escalates into a shoving match.]
Nikki: [watching them] "Why don't you two get a life?" [The fight instantly subsides.]
Kristen: "Employee of the Month is a big honor."
Kirsten: "Not like you need to worry." [Wyatt comes back.]
Wyatt: "What'd I miss?"
Nikki: "Nothing important. C'mon."
[Nikki leads Wyatt off. Chrissy steps out.]
Chrissy: "I'm proud to announce that our newest Employee of the Month is..."
Kristen and Kirsten: "Eeee!"
[Nikki and Wyatt stop in their tracks. Wyatt lets out a muffled, surprised noise.]
Kristen and Kirsten: [shocked] "Who?"
[A startled look crosses her face. Just then, the camera goes off, commemorating the moment. Shortly thereafter, her face is plastered across the store.]
Kristen: [looking around] "Why?"
Chrissy: "Congratulations, Nikki. I know you'll make us all proud."
Wyatt: [laughing] "Can't wait to tell everybody!"
Nikki: [grabbing him] "You tell anyone, and I will rip every appendage from your skinny little body one by one."
Wyatt: [gulping, hushed] "Got it." [He runs out of the store. Nikki is about to go back to work, but Chrissy stops her.]
Chrissy: "Why don't you take a break? You've earned it."
Nikki: "Uh-huh." [She walks off.]
Chrissy: [smiling sinisterly] "By the end of the week, she'll be one of us."
[The gang minus Nikki is gathered around the table.]
Wyatt: "You should've seen Nikki's face."
Jonesy: "I would've paid big bucks, man."
[Wyatt imitates the face, and everyone laughs. After a few seconds, he breaks it and laughs along. Nikki comes up behind him. Jonesy signals to Wyatt to stop laughing, but Wyatt continues.]
Wyatt: [laughter subsiding] "She's right behind me, isn't she?"
Nikki: [taking a seat] "My credibility as a human being has been destroyed. People will think I actually like the Khaki Barn."
Jude: "I've never been Employee of the Month."
Wyatt: "It might have been your Soup on a Stick promotion."
Jude: "Whatever." [getting up] "Gotta get back there in case my boss calls." [leaving] "Later."
Nikki: "Excuse me! I'm having a crisis here."
Caitlin: "Why all the drama, Nikki? It just shows they have faith in you."
Nikki: "That's the point! Khaki Barn stands for everything I loathe!"
Jen: "Well I'd love to be Employee of the Month. I've been killing myself for this secret shopper that's supposed to be making the rounds."
Caitlin: [excited] "You mean like a shopping spy? Who gets paid? To shop?"
Jen: "Just keep an eye out. It could be anyone."
Jonesy: "I'm sure you'll have nothing to worry about."
Jen: "Tell that to Coach Halder. Later." [She leaves.]
Caitlin: [fuming] "Why didn't they ask me to be the secret shopper? I'd be so good at that!"
Nikki: [leaving] "Don't know, don't care. I gotta go back to work."
Wyatt: "Me too. See you after work, Khaki Queen." [Nikki throws a chair at him.] "Good one."
[Nikki enters the Khaki Barn.]
[Her photo is plastered in front of the store logo. As she passes her co-workers, they glare at her.]
[Nikki comes up to Chrissy to voice her complaints.]
Nikki: "They're freaking me out, Chrissy."
Chrissy: "You get used to it. People don't always know how to deal with strong women like us."
Nikki: "Like us? We have nothing in common."
Chrissy: "See, that's where you're wrong. When I was your age, no one wanted to believe in me, either."
Nikki: "You're only two years older than me."
Chrissy: "Responsibility can change ya pretty fast. Suddenly people are like, depending on you. And the weird thing is, you start to like it. Later!"
[Nikki stares after her and absentmindedly picks up a T-shirt. When she looks down, she sees it has been perfectly folded. She gasps and tosses the shirt away. A customer comes up behind her with some pants.]
Customer: "Excuse me, if you're not to busy, I'd love your opinion on these."
Nikki: "Seriously? They're the ugliest things I've ever seen. Try the Buttlifter jeans; they're ugly too, but at least they're on sale."
Customer: "Thanks. I-I'm sure you're right."
Nikki: "Really? Why?"
Customer: "You're Employee of the Month." [He toddles off.]
Nikki: "Huh?" [going over to Kristen and Kirsten] "Uh hey pod-girls, do people always buy what you tell them to just because your picture's up on the wall?"
Kristen: [exasperated] "Yes."
Kirsten: "I just don't get it! Why her?"
[Jonesy has just finished up at Spin This.]
Jonesy: "Thanks for the demo CDs." [sniffing the air] "I smell a great employee evaluation." [He leaves.]
Wyatt: "Nikki's Employee of the Month, and Jonesy is rating our work? The end must be near."
[Jen is working hard at the Penalty Box, spurred on by the coach's constant cries of "Masterson."]
Coach Halder: "Masterson! Masterson!"
[Jonesy arrives with his shopping cart.]
Jonesy: "Excuse me, miss–"
Jen: "Jonesy, can't you see I'm busy?"
Jonesy: "Could I get some service here?"
Jen: "Give me a break. I don't have time for your games today. This secret shopper could be anyone."
Jonesy: "It could be anyone, but it's not. It's me!"
Jen: [laughing] "You? Yeah right."
Jonesy: "No really! It's me! So just give me a deal on a sweatshirt, and I'll make sure you get a good report."
Jen: "Look. I'm covering two shifts, it's a stock day, and I have to be on my best behavior because of this stupid secret shopper!"
Jonesy: "Yeah, but–"
Jen: "I've got enough to do without you coming in with your 'Miss! Miss, pay attention to me! Because I'm Jonesy, and I always have to be the center of attention!'"
Jonesy: "I'm not kidding! I've-I've got a clipboard and everything!"
Jen: "Don't make me hurt you! Because I will. And there's a lot of things to hurt you with around here! Ski poles, hockey sticks, baseball bats–I think I could even get creative with a golf ball washer!"
Coach Halder: "Masterson! Is that any way to treat a customer, hmm?"
Jen: "Oh, uh–he's not really a customer, Coach. He's–"
Coach Halder: "Anyone who comes through that door is a customer. And we treat our customers like Hall of Famers." [Jen is silenced. To Jonesy] "I'm sorry about the behavior of my team, sir. Can I help you?"
Jonesy: [cowed by Jen] "No, thanks. I was just browsing."
Coach Halder: [to Jen] "What's gotten into you? You're my first-string quarterback, but you fumbled that one out of the park."
Jen: "But he–uh–nevermind."
Coach Halder: "Now I'm leaving you here to call the plays for a while. I've got a hot date tonight with the filly who runs the Scotch-Tape Emporium. I need some slick new slacks. Now get out there and sell! Break!"
Jen: "Yes, Coach!"
[Coach Halder leaves. Jen sighs.]
[At the Khaki Barn, Nikki is helping a female customer.]
Jacket Girl: "Is it too tight on me?"
Nikki: "Um–I–eh–no. It actually looks pretty good!"
Jacket Girl: "Mmm-hmm. Fine. I'll take it. What would look good with these pants?"
Nikki: "This baby tee kinda matches. They're both blue."
Jacket Girl: "Oh! You're right. I'll take two." [She takes her purchases to the counter.]
Chrissy: "Was anybody helping you today?"
Jacket Girl: [pointing at the Employee of the Month poster] "That girl behind you. She has great fashion sense."
Chrissy: "Oh, Nikki! She's one of my best customer fashion consultants."
[Nikki looks over at Chrissy. Chrissy smiles back.]
Chrissy: [bagging the customer's purchases] "Thanks for shopping here!"
Nikki: [waving] "Have a Khaki Day!"
[Nikki looks at her hand in shock and fear. Chrissy comes over.]
Chrissy: "That was so very! I think you're finally ready, Nikki." [She pushes Nikki forward.]
Nikki: "What's going on? I thought you hated me."
Chrissy: "On a personal level? Yes. But your sales are up 117% since yesterday."
Nikki: "They are? Wow. No wonder you wanted to fire me."
Chrissy: "Being Employee of the Month isn't exactly on your list of things to accomplish in life, is it?"
Kristen: [calling after them] "It's on mine! It's number 2!"
Chrissy: "There's like, a lot of opportunity here for a girl like you, you know. You just need a little guidance. You have the ability to give people the gift of style. Give it a think." [She punches a code into a keypad.] "And while you're doing that, relax in the elite Employee of the Month lounge."
[Nikki enters the lounge. Chrissy shuts the door behind her. The lounge she has entered is a spotless white expanse, incredibly minimalist in nature. A tray of perfumes slides out, and she sniffs one before entering the bathroom. A toilet appears.]
Nikki: [impressed] "Whoa."
[Nikki unzips her pants and takes a seat.]
Computer: "Welcome! Make yourself comfortable. You are among the chosen. The elite members of the Khaki Barn family. The Khaki Barn! It's all about you."
Nikki: [softly] "Okay."
Computer: "We're making the world a more uniformly stylish place, one pair of pants at a time. At the Khaki Barn, we believe individuality is highly overrated." [A laser begins to scan her.] "Facial jewelry does not comply with our wardrobe policy. Please remove any piercings now." [Nikki complies.]
Jude: [calling someone] "Whoa. Hello? Hello? Anybody there? Man, that's spooky."
[At the lemon, Jude is explaining his troubles to Caitlin.]
Jude: "Every time I dial the number, it rings, and then I get the call waiting beep, but nobody's there. Weird, huh?"
Caitlin: [distracted] "Yeah. Hey Jen, did the lemon juice eat away at your nail polish too?"
Jen: [yawning] "Tired."
Caitlin: "I'm like Wolverine's girlfriend. Actually, Hugh Jackman's really hot so, that wouldn't be so bad. Jen, you look totally wiped."
Jen: "This secret shopper thing is driving me crazy! And then Jonesy comes in pretending to be him so he can scam free stuff!"
Wyatt: "I hate to break it to you, Jen, but Jonesy is the secret shopper."
Caitlin: "No way! Him? I'm such a better shopper than he is!"
Jonesy: "What's shaking, amigos?"
Jen: [greeting him] "Jonesy! My best friend in the world! C'mon!" [She hugs him and leads him off.]
Jonesy: [confused] "Okay?"
Jen: "I hear you're doing a really good job as the secret shopper."
Caitlin: "I still can't believe they let him do my–" [She gasps. Nikki has arrived, and looks like a clone.]
Nikki: "Hey guys."
Jude: "WHAT THE–"
Wyatt: "Nikki, are you alright?"
Nikki: "Yeah. Actually, I had a really cool experience today. I sold this woman an entire outfit, and she was like, so happy. And it's all because of that Employee of the Month award."
Caitlin: "Well, you look really cute. I love your baby tee."
Nikki: "And it comes in four different shades of pink! Khaki Barn, it's all about you." [Her watch beeps.] "Oops, gotta run. I just came by to tell you there's a Blend-Into-the-Crowd sale this afternoon, only at the barn. See you there!" [She leaves. The three remaining stare after her, shocked.]
Wyatt: "I think the Khaki Barn is finally starting to get to her. We've got to do something! C'mon!"
Kristen: [greeting customers] "Welcome to the Khaki Barn!"
[Nikki approaches the sales counter.]
Nikki: "Hi guys!"
Kirsten: "Why are you the Employee of the Month?"
Kristen: "It should have been me!"
Kirsten: "As if!"
[They begin to fight. Coach Halder comes up and taps Nikki on the shoulder.]
Coach Halder: "You're the Employee of the Month."
Nikki: "That's me. Go Khaki, or go home."
Coach Halder: "All right. I need to score a touchdown with a first-stringer, and I need the correct uniform."
Nikki: "Uh, translation, please?"
Coach Halder: "I've got a date and I need to look good. Can you help me?"
Nikki: "There is no butt that our Average Joe chinos won't fit. Come on."
[Nikki walks over to a rack and grabs a pair of pants, revealing Jude, Wyatt, and Caitlin hiding behind the pants. She doesn't notice them, however, and brings the pants to Coach Halder.]
Caitlin: "Are you sure that's Nikki?"
Wyatt: "They've definitely messed with her head. Nikki hasn't been that nice since she was three!"
Jude: "Maybe they brainwashed her."
Coach Halder: [looking at a pants-and-shirt combo] "I'll be spiking the ball in the end zone with this little ensemble!"
Nikki: "They are so totally you! Let me know how they fit."
[Halder heads to the changing rooms while Nikki slips into the Employee of the Month lounge.]
Wyatt: [whispering] "Now's our chance. Move in!"
[The three slip through the door just before it shuts. Inside, Nikki is applying lipstick.]
Nikki: [turning around] "Hey. What are you guys doing here?"
Wyatt: "Okay, don't freak out, but we think you've been brainwashed by the Khaki Barn to become a clone."
[Wyatt ducks, but no thrown implements are incoming. He looks up.]
Nikki: "Is that what this is about? You're so silly. I'm totally fine."
Wyatt: [turning her face to the mirror] "Look at what they've done to you!"
Caitlin: "You're wearing pink! And butterfly clips! Pink butterfly clips, Nikki!"
Jude: "I don't even know you anymore, dude! You're hideous!"
[Nikki turns back to the mirror to apply her lipstick.]
Wyatt: "Now hold on, Nikki. Don't do anything you'll regret."
Jude: "Calmly step away from the lip gloss."
Caitlin: [to Jude] "Let me try." [She walks over to Nikki, smiles gently, and then slaps her repeatedly.] "Get ahold of yourself, girl! You're turning into one of them! And okay, it's fun to have you be nice to me, but you're totally freaking me out!"
[Nikki looks in the mirror, for the first time truly lucid.]
Nikki: [having a breakdown] "What. Have. They. Done to me?!? I am hideous. I look–I look–like you!"
Caitlin: "Now that's the Nikki we love."
[Jonesy is lounging on a hammock while Jen brings him various products.]
Jen: "Now these are the latest. They inflate, and they're also an MP3 player. 50% off then, just for you?"
Jonesy: "It'll take a lot to change my mind about your earlier evaluation. I'm a man of principles, you know."
Jen: "Free, then?"
Jonesy: [indicating his cart] "Put them with the rest." [Jen tosses them in.]
Jen: "Want to try this new tennis racket? It's from the John McEnroe line. Bang it on the ground, and it–" [She hits it against the floor.]
Racket: "Oh, what are you, blind?!?"
Jonesy: "Can I have it for free?"
Jen: "It's worth a hundred and fifty!"
Jen: "Okay. Free. Sure. I'll just take it out of my next ten paychecks." [She tosses it into the cart.]
Racket: "Since when do they let morons become umpires, moron!?!?!"
Jonesy: "I heard about some thermal underwear that massage your butt while you ski?"
Jen: [spirit broken] "Right away."
[Nikki is still looking in the mirror, amazed at what she's become. She undoes her hair from its ponytail.]
Nikki: "I don't know what would've happened to me if it weren't for you guys."
Caitlin: "You'd have done the same for us."
Jude: "Man, I'm just glad I don't have a boss like yours. That I know of."
Nikki: "I've never been a good influence before, and I'm not about to start now."
[Chrissy is letting Kristen and Kirsten in on her plan.]
Kirsten: "So it was all like a trick to get her to behave like a true Khaki fashion consultant?"
Kristen: "I knew it couldn't be true!"
Kirsten: "I have to say, it's been so much more pleasant to be around her."
[Nikki exits the lounge, hair down and piercings in. Kristen and Kirsten gasp and hug each other. Chrissy gasps in shock. Nikki comes up to her manager, friends in tow.]
Nikki: [surprisingly cheery] "Uh, you almost had me there, Chrissy. Yeah, you sure did." [sinister] "But nobody, nobody comes between me and my nose jewelry."
Caitlin: "Humph. Nice try." [seeing a nice shirt] "Ooh. That's cute. Do you have that in a six?"
Nikki: "Uh, kinda stepping on the moment here, Caitlin!"
[Jonesy wheels into the Khaki Barn again.]
Jonesy: "Yo sales chick, I need some service over here if you don't mind."
Nikki: [passing him] "Bite me. I'm going on my break."
Jonesy: "Hmm. Bad attitude, terrible customer service from the staff..." [He writes something down.] "Looks like I'm going to have to give your store an average performance review after all."
Chrissy: [calling after Nikki] "Ugh! You just made me lose manager of the year, you–you un-Khaki loser!" [begging Jonesy] "I tried to reform her, but my training didn't stick!"
Nikki: "What!" [She looks back.] "Reform her?" [She grabs the clipboard from Jonesy.]
Jonesy: "Gimme that!"
Nikki: "You're the reason I got stuck with Employee of the Month? I'm taking the rest of the day off."
Jonesy: [chasing Nikki] "C'mon, Nikki, give it back!"
Chrissy: "And you can forget about using the elite bathrooms!"
Kristen: "Does this mean that EotM is up for grabs?"
Kirsten: "Yes, and she's picking me."
Kristen: "Uh, only in your dreams."
Kirsten: "In your dreams too, 'cause even in your dreams, she'll pick me."
Kristen: "Get out of my dreams!"
[The two begin to fight once again. Chrissy slaps her forehead.]
Kirsten: "Let go of my hair!"
Caitlin: [putting the shirt down] "I'll come back another time." [The three leave.]
Kirsten: "Get off my baby tee!"
[Everyone but Jen is at the table.]
Jude: "Caitlin, a glass of your finest lemon slush, please?" [Caitlin gets to work.] "What's the dealio, Jonesy?"
Jonesy: [sad] "Nikki rewrote all my reports. When they saw her A-plus, they knew I was lying."
Wyatt: "It's called karma, man. Your yin just bit your yang in the butt."
Jonesy: "Yeah, well my yin just blew the best job I ever had."
Nikki: [relaxing] "Yep, all in a day's work."
Jen: [sweetly] "Jonesy."
Jonesy: [seeing her, nervous] "Hey, Jen, how's it going?"
Jen: "Now that you've lost your secret shopper job, I thought you, me, and John could have a little chat."
[Jen, who has been hiding the racket behind her back the whole time, brings it out and swats it on the table.]
Racket: "You want some of this?!?"
Jonesy: [backing away] "Uh–now wait, Jen, let's talk this out–AAAH!" [Jen chases him.]
Racket: [making contact] "Are you nuts? What are you, blind!?! AAH! Moron!!!"
[Jonesy is rubbing his butt at the Stick It.]
Jude: [theorizing] "Maybe my boss just doesn't want to be found. He could be a hermit."
Jonesy: "If you ask me, dude, you just won the lottery. Bosses are a pain in the butt."
[Jude dials again. The phone at Stick It rings. Jude gasps and then picks up.]
Jude: "Stick It. Hold, please." [into his cell] "Oh hello. I'm looking for the boss of Stick It." [His voice comes out of the store phone. Talking into it] "Hello?" [into the cell] "Hello? Hellooo?" [He stops and looks at Jonesy.] "If I'm correct, this could only mean–"
Jonesy: "You're the boss of Stick It!"
Jonesy: "Jude!" [bumping fists with Jude] "And may I say you're doing an excellent job? Top marks."
Jude: "Yeah, I'm a good kid. So, as my own boss, I guess I get to give myself breaks."
Jude: "You still out of a job?"
Jonesy: "Of course."
Jude: "Cool." [He hops the counter.] "Movies all afternoon, on me."