Fashion Victims is the 74th episode of the series and the 20th episode of the third season, which aired on March 9, 2008 in Canada on Teletoon and remains unaired in the United States.
Jonesy encounters a marketer who wants to know the latest teen trends. Jonesy, being Jonesy, decides to mess with the marketer a little, just to see how great the impact would be. Turns out, it is nothing like he would've thought.
Jude and Jonesy are checking out fortune cookies hoping to find one that's wrong. Jude reads one that says "Everything tastes better with MSG", and Jonesy agrees. He then reads one that says "Beware blunt objects flying at a high rate of speed", and the two duck. Nikki mocks them, but a shoe lands on the table. They look back and see Jen dragging a box that she explains is for the mall clothing donation drive. Looking inside, Jonesy sees some biker clothes and tries them on. They fit perfectly. Two girls then walk by and call him a stud. Jonesy is happy, but Nikki laughs. Jude tries another cookie. This one says "Your girlfriend is laughing at you, not with you." Jonesy says that this one is wrong, and leaves. Nikki calls after him that the cookie was right, and begins to think there may be something to this fortune cookie business after all.
Nikki and Jen are talking on the phone. A new shipment of clothes has come in to the Khaki Barn, which means more work for her. Jen says that she plans to make the drive a success. A man then comes in with a shirt for donation. Coach Halder, seeing Jen on the phone, comes over and tells her to give him 20 push-ups or else he'll confiscate the box. She starts, and Halder tells the man to do the same. The man wisely flees. Jen continues to talk to Nikki while doing the exercises, telling her that Coach Halder is being a jerk. Jonesy then walks in, still decked out in the regalia, and Nikki says that she has to hang up, as she has to deal with a fashion emergency. She asks Jonesy about the clothes, and he tells her that they're part of who he is. Kristen then comes over and strokes his jacket, saying it's nice. Jonesy tells her it's vintage, and Kirsten replies by saying it's vintage wash. Nikki interrupts and tells them that it's actually Jonesy's dad's, and the Clones run to the front of the store. Kirsten begins to spray Kristen with cleaner. Jonesy points out that it has history, and Kristen turns around to tell him they hate history. While she's distracted, her hand tilts upward, and she sprays in Kristen's eyes. When Kristen runs around the store screaming, Nikki congratulates Jonesy, and tells him she likes the jacket.
Jonesy is walking the mall when he runs into a sharp dressed man. The man tells him that he's a marketer, and he likes Jonesy's style. He then tells Jonesy he'll pay for inside info on what is going to be cool.
Later, Jonesy is at the Big Squeeze, explaining his new job to his friends. Nikki asks what he knows about the marketer, and Jonesy says he knows that the guy will pay him cash for what he comes up with. Wyatt then notes that he's heard of these guys who spy on teenagers to find out the latest trends, and this freaks Jude out, making him think that someone's spying on him. While he loses himself in paranoia, Nikki tells Jonesy that he's selling out his friends and indeed his entire generation. Jonesy doesn't see the problem, and he leaves to find some trends. Jen then asks for some help sorting clothes, and Caitlin agrees. She finds a vintage dress in her side, and asks to keep it, saying that she'll donate 4 items in exchange. Jen refuses, telling her to put the dress down, and Caitlin backs off. Jude then points to a peaceful old man and says that he thinks the elderly man is spying on him. At this, Nikki rolls her eyes.
Jonesy is in the mall, sneaking around and looking for trends. He spies Glutes Girl and a friend, and begins to take pictures of them. They wave and model their clothes. Nikki then comes along and stops him.
Meanwhile, Caitlin is back to helping Jen. Caitlin notes that she feels sorry for the poor. She then says that all the donations are out of fashion, and throws a bunch of them away. They land near Jude, and he picks up a bra, a too-small fur cloak, and a feathered hat. He puts them on, and Nikki tells him he looks like a pirate in drag. Jude tells her that the bra will throw the spies off the trail and proudly stands up, wearing his new, eclectic ensemble.
Jonesy looks around. All the girls are wearing the same style of shirt. He realizes that Nikki was right, and that there are no new styles in the whole mall. He confesses this out loud, and then tells Lydia, who has heard the whole thing, not to tell Nikki he said she was right. He leaves, and Lydia looks confused.
The gang minus Jen and Caitlin are around the table. Nikki asks Jonesy if he's done, and Jonesy says he's taking a breather. Nikki says he'll need a new job soon, and Jonesy tells her that she's wrong. Nikki asks him to name one trend, and Jonesy says he can't divulge trade secrets. Nikki takes this to mean that he hasn't found anything, and leaves to go to work. Wyatt then leans over and tells Jonesy that Jonesy can tell him what's hot. Jonesy says he can't. Wyatt says he's trustworthy; Jude is the one that can't keep secrets. Jude is offended, but he gives up when Wyatt cites examples of his inability to keep one. Jonesy then confesses that he was unable to find a single trend and asks Jude for a fortune cookie, and Jude grabs one. Opening it, he reads "The answer you are looking for is right in front of you." Jonesy is unsure what that means, but he then looks at Jude. He suggests that people might buy it, and calls Laird. He tells the salesman that what's coming into style are feathered fedoras and capes. Jude signals to his bra, and Jonesy covers the phone so he can tell Jude that the bra is a little too far out for him. He then gets back on the phone and tells Laird to find a feathered fedora factory fast.
Later, the gang is gathered at Grind Me. Caitlin is impressed by the donations boxes Jen has everywhere. Nikki then asks Jonesy if he's ready to admit defeat, and Jonesy remains adamantly sure of himself. He then offers his friends modeling jobs for the shoot, and they agree. Shortly thereafter, they are looking at various items from the donation boxes. Caitlin is disappointed by the ideas, but Jonesy says that they have to come up with good stuff that's slightly out there. He then sees a garbage can and says it looks urban; as such, they should shoot there. Nikki then accuses him of destroying all individuality, and Jonesy points out that it's exactly what she does at the Khaki Barn. Nikki is offended, and bets Jonesy that he wouldn't last another day as a cool hunter. Jonesy agrees, and the deal is struck. She then heads off to work. When she gets there, she sees the fashions Jonesy has suggested being put into motion in the form of the new shipments the store has gotten. Kirsten then suggests that they make the cape and hat part of the new uniform, and they all put on capes and hats. Kirsten puts one on Nikki's head, and she goes out to talk to Jonesy, who has just seen the new styles. Jonesy taunts her, and Nikki, not in the mood, stuffs her hat into his mouth. He takes it out and coughs up a feather. He then taunts her again, sure he'll win the bet.
The gang are gathered around their usual table. Everyone in the mall is wearing the latest fashion. Nikki is still angry at Jonesy for his job, but Jonesy says that he is good at it, as proven by the proliferation of fashions. He then asks Jude for some inspiration, and Jude suggests figs or coffee. Jonesy then points out that he meant cookies, and Jude opens one that says "Hank says relax." Jude agrees with it, saying that he's been on edge since he found out about the spies. Jonesy then hands out seemingly random items to the models, and Nikki angrily storms off.
Jonesy then takes pictures of his friends in various places in their costumes: Wyatt at Spin This, Jude in the arcade, and Caitlin in the coffee shop. Jonesy has to tell Caitlin not to look at the camera, but other than that his photo shoots are going great.
A new shipment has come in: pink army helmets, another Jonesy submitted trend. Nikki is shocked at this. She then hears Kristen and Kirsten arguing over a "Team Jonesy" T-shirt. She asks whats going on and finds out that Jonesy made "Team Jonesy" and "Team Nikki" T-shirts. She then starts to leave the store. As she goes out, the duo of clones are fighting over the shirt again, and one of them says "Hank says relax." This shocks Nikki, and she demands to know where the saying came from. Kirsten tells her that it's the newest saying in the mall, and that she should really get with the times.
Jonesy is at the table mocking the fashion victims as they walk past. He then reveals that the new fashions are essentially pranks to get people to look stupid. Jen confronts him on it, saying that she's trying to run a charity and everything is going wrong. Caitlin then arrives, wearing one of the fashions. Jen points out that this was one of Jonesy's jokes, and Caitlin tells her that although she knows this, she saw the pink army helmet in Albatross & Finch and thought it looked cute. Jen then complains that she has no donations now that vintage is cool; all that's left is a worn out jacket. Coach Halder then comes up and takes the jacket, saying that he gave it away before he knew that polyester would make a big comeback. Jonesy then asks where Nikki is, and the answer is provided in the form of Nikki being followed around the mall by the Pre-teen Girls on Team Nikki. Jonesy asks why he doesn't have a team, and Wyatt points to the only member: a nerdy boy. Jonesy then sinks down onto the table. Nikki arrives, having escaped, and pulls her underwear from her butt crack, where it's been stuck. Jen and Caitlin suggest they visit a store that has underwear that stops this, and Nikki agrees. As they leave, Jen mentions that it's the mall's best-kept secret, and this inspires Jonesy to follow them.
Jonesy sneaks over to the shop. He sees Caitlin and Nikki inside and snaps pictures of them secretly. The pictures do show the underwear, and Jonesy thinks that Laird will love the new idea.
Later, he and Wyatt are at Grind Me. Wyatt asks where Jonesy went, and Jonesy tells him that he had to follow up on something. Wyatt then notices a coffee soap and eagerly gets it. This gives Jonesy an idea, and he takes a photo of it. He then submits his ideas to Laird. When Laird asks what else is new, Jonesy looks around and decides to throw a little business Caitlin's way, stating that lemon juice makes your hair look better and that fortune cookies are all the rage.
When Jonesy comes back to the food court, he sees a giant line leading to Caitlin's stand. Caitlin is hard at work. Jonesy asks Jen what happened, and Jen says she doesn't know, but implies Jonesy had something to do with it. Wyatt then arrives and asks why his coffee soap is sold out, also pointedly looking at Jonesy. Jude then asks Jonesy why Cici Sombrero's is out of fortune cookies, but Jonesy dodges this question by asking why a Mexican place sells fortune cookies. Two girls then walk by with the suggested underwear, and Nikki says that they used to be the best kept secret in the mall. Jonesy continues to deny that it's all his fault, so Nikki grabs Jonesy's camera and looks through the photos. Caitlin rushes up, angry, and tells Jonesy to fix things. Jonesy says he will, and Caitlin has him start by slamming her hat on his head. Jonesy takes it off and suggests that when life hands you a lemon hat, you make lemonade. His friends aren't amused, with Jude stating that said saying was yesterday's fortune.
The next day, the donation boxes are full again. Jen asks Jonesy how he did it, and Jonesy says he told Laird that vintage stinks. Laird then fired him, saying that his trends need longevity. Caitlin then cheers Nikki for winning her bet, and Nikki says she donated the shirts to charity. Jen thanks her. Jude then says that things are going well; Cici Sombrero's just got a new shipment of fortune cookies. Jonesy asks for one, and Jude gladly opens one. It reads "Always honor your bets." This Nikki agrees with, and she holds up her foot for rubbing. Jonesy quickly scrams, and Nikki chases him. Jen then asks if that was really what the fortune said; Jude says no, and then reads it. "The words ki-ku llama llama wu-wu will bring bad luck to all who say them out loud." He then chuckles and leans back in his chair. His chair tips, and he falls, his poncho tipping upwards to reveal he isn't wearing pants (although he does have underwear on). His friends are disgusted by this, but Jude tells them that he doesn't make the fashions, he just follows them.
Jude: Another fortune from the fortune cookie gods. Jonesy: What's it say? Jude: Everything tastes better with MSG. Jonesy: Right again! Unbelievable! Nikki: How long are you going to keep this up for? Jonesy: Long as it takes for the cookie to get it wrong. Nikki: Hopeless. Simply hopeless. (Jude opens a new cookie.) Jonesy: What's it say? Jude: Avoid blunt objects traveling at a high rate of speed. (Jude and Jonesy look at each other, shrug, and duck.) Nikki: Oh, come on! (A shoe sails onto the table.)
Teenage Girl:(to Jonesy as she walks by him) Hey, stud man! Jonesy: Yes! (Nikki laughs.) Jude:(opening a cookie) Your girlfriend is laughing at you, not with you. Jonesy: Finally, a fortune that's wrong. My work here is done. (He walks off.) Nikki:(calling after him) Actually, that fortune was bang on! Huh. Maybe there's something to these after all.
Nikki: I got a huge donation for you. It's all boxed and ready to go. Kirsten: Oh no you don't! Our new super-stretchy tanks aren't going anywhere! Kristen:(hysterical) SAVE THE SUPER-STRETCHY TANKS!
Mysterious Man: You ride a motorcycle. So you must know what's happening on the street. Jonesy: Lots of cars. The odd cyclist.
Jonesy: This gig's so easy, a monkey couldn't screw it up! Nikki: Oh, is that supposed to mean you won't?
Jude:(worried) People are spying on us? Nikki: There are probably hundreds of fake marketers posing as teens right now. Jonesy: Time to hit the streets! ...in the mall. Nikki: You're going to look for new trends in the mall? Everyone looks exactly the same! Jude: Which means there's no way to spot the spies, dude!
Jude: This hat will make a good disguise. (He rummages.) Ah ha! (Jude takes some of the clothes.) Nikki: Jude, you look like a pirate. In drag. Jude: It will throw off the spies, bra! Nikki: If you say so.
Jude: The answer you seek can be found right in front of you. Jonesy:(noticing Jude's outfit) What are you wearing? Jude: A disguise. Jonesy: Wait a sec! If people wore this stuff before, why can't they wear it after? Caitlin: Because it's really ugly?
Caitlin: Do I have to wear these socks for the shoot? They have individual toes! Jude: Toes are awesome. You couldn't stand without them.
Jonesy: Jude, some inspiration? Jude: I have coffee for inspiration. And some figs. Jonesy: Jude, I meant the cookies. Jude: Actually, cookies don't– (realizing) Oh! Right. (He eats a fortune cookie and reads the fortune.) Hank says "Relax." Good advice. Been a little on edge since I found out about the spies. Nikki: Who's Hank? Jude: No idea, bra.
Nikki: Ugh. I hate this girly gitch. Jude: I know the feeling!
Jude: The words "Kiku-llama-llama-wuwu" will bring bad luck to all who utter them aloud.
Jonesy's initial craze over his look is a reference to the "retro" fads that go in and out of style.
Apparently the mall houses a Mexican restaurant that sells fortune cookies.