[Caitlin and Jen are together at the Big Squeeze. Caitlin calls someone.]
Caitlin: "Hi Brandon! It's Caitlin!"
Caitlin: "From the Big Squeeze?"
Caitlin: "I spilled juice on your jeans last week?"
Brandon: "Oh, yeah."
Caitlin: "Yeah, hi. So I was just calling you to, uh, wish you a happy new year in case I don't see you tomorrow night. I don't have any plans, by the way."
Caitlin: "Right. Well, I should probably–"
Brandon: "Later. Bye." [He hangs up.]
Caitlin: "...go." [Caitlin closes her phone and bursts into tears.] "Oh, Jen! It's hopeless! Tomorrow is the most important social night of the year and I'm totally single!"
Jen: "We could all ring in the new year together, since none of us got invited to anything."
Caitlin: "Not even Jonesy?"
Caitlin: "That could be fun."
Jen: "And we'll get to see Nikki and hear all about her trip."
Jonesy: [walking up with Jude and Wyatt] "This sucks. Tomorrow night is the most important guy night of the year, and I'm dateless."
Wyatt: "Oh, no. Even Darth has a date." [Darth walks by, holding hands with Julie and laughing.]
Jonesy: "Oh, man!"
Jude: "What's the biggie, dude? It's just one night."
Jonesy: "It sets the tone for the whole year!"
Jude: "Starr's got family stuff, so we penciled in some lip action on January 2."
Caitlin: "Every girl wants to get kissed at midnight."
Jonesy: "I rest my case."
Wyatt: "Yeah, well, we've got nowhere to go, remember?"
Jonesy: "I say we crank this New Year's Eve thing up a notch! We're gonna throw our own party."
Jen: "And where will this extravaganza take place?"
Jonesy: "Your house."
Jonesy: "It just so happens that Jen's mama and my papa are going out New Year's Eve, which designates Jen's house as Party Central."
Jen: "As if! I can see it now. Broken vases, crap everywhere to clean up, no. Way."
Wyatt: "It'll just be your best friends, Jen. Not a bunch of strangers."
Jonesy: "Except for a few hot chicks."
Caitlin: "Can't you just ask your mom, Jen? Your place would be so perfect. Pleeeaaassee?"
Jude: "Your abode is pretty party friendly."
Wyatt: "C'mon, you can't leave us homeless on the biggest party night of the year."
[The gang grin at Jen.]
Jen: "Oh, alright, I'll ask." [Her friends cheer.] "Whoa, slow down, guys. I haven't even asked yet."
Jonesy: "Oh, we're in!" [Wyatt, Jude, Jonesy, and Caitlin put their hands on top of each other.]
Wyatt, Jude, Caitlin, and Jonesy: "C'mon, Jen!"
[Jen smiles and puts her hand on top of the mix.]
Jude: "Aw, yeah!"
The opening credits roll.
The title of this episode is
[The five are sitting around the table.]
Jen: "Guess what? I got the house for New Year's Eve!"
Jonesy: "I knew you could do it!"
Wyatt: "All right!"
Jen: "We'll have a sleepover."
Jude: "Oh-ho-ho, yeah! Now that I've actually been to one, I can say that they do, in fact, rock."
Jonesy: "No foot rubs, Jude."
Wyatt: "And no makeovers, man."
Wyatt: "This New Year's Eve will be awesome."
Jonesy: "I bet your big sister Courtney's psyched that I'm staying over."
Jen: "As if! I actually had to agree to do the dishes for two months to get her out of the house! Anyway, we have some fast party planning to do."
Wyatt: "I'll score some free DVDs from work."
Caitlin: "I'll put together a scrapbook of our year together!"
[Serena and Charmaine walk by.]
Serena: "Hey Wyatt."
Wyatt: "Uh..." [His heart pounds.] "Did Serena just say hi? To me?" [calling to Serena] "Hi right back atcha! Good luck, um, party planning!"
Jonesy: [unimpressed] "Smooth."
[Jen is on the phone with Courtney while at work.]
Jen: "But a deal is a deal, Courtney! I've already invited people!"
Courtney: "C'mon, it'll be fun!"
Jen: "Fine, I'll do your laundry for a month! Happy?"
[Jen angrily hangs up.]
Coach Halder: "Masterson!"
Jen: "Hey Coach."
Coach Halder: "I just made my New Year's resolution. I'm doubling everybody's sales quota, starting today."
Coach Halder: "That's right, a clean start for the new year."
[The coach walks away, and Jen sighs. Her cell phone rings.]
Nikki: "Hey Jen, listen up."
Nikki: "You don't know until you've had a toddler boot your chair for two hours–" [The toddler kicks her again, and she screams at him.] "AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIGGGGAAAAABBBYYYAAAAAHHHH!!!"
Jen: "Well the good news is that I'm having a New Year's sleepover!"
Nikki: "Oh, thank you. If I have to spend another night with my family, I'm gonna lose it."
Jen: "Hang in there, Nikki."
Nikki: "I have no choice." [Her seat buckles as the child resumes kicking it.] "GAAAAIIII!"
[Wyatt is reading a book at work.]
Wyatt: [not looking up] "Hey."
[Wyatt looks up and gasps as he realizes who he's talking to.]
Wyatt: "Wh–oh hi, hi, hi."
Serena: "I'm returning this DVD I rented to watch with Chad."
Wyatt: [smile leaving his face] "I see."
Serena: "We didn't even watch it, we had a fight." [Wyatt smiles.] "Things aren't going well. This could wreck my whole New Year's Eve." [She surreptitiously looks over at Wyatt.]
Wyatt: [moving in] "Gee, that's too bad. If you wanna talk about it..."
Serena: "Wow, thanks Wyatt. Maybe I'll call you later for coffee if I need some advice."
Wyatt: [stuttering] "Y-y-yeah, s-s-sure. Sure!" [Serena waves as she walks out. Wyatt begins talking to himself.] "Any time at all. Coffee's good! I have time for coffee." [His heart beats faster, and he sighs.]
Wayne: "Watch it, boyo, women are harsh. Don't get sucked in. It's a whirlpool of deceit."
Wyatt: "We were only talking."
Wayne: "Yeah, that's the way it starts. Then they pluck out your heart and stomp on it. Trust me. They're all sisters."
Jonesy: [walking in with Jude] "We need to get some scary movies for New Year's Eve."
Jude: "Wayne, dude. What would you recommend?"
Wayne: "Well The Big Pill is one of the most horrific movies ever. Middle-aged boring people reliving their college days."
Jonesy: "No, I mean slasher films, real gruesome gory stuff that makes chicks cuddle you for support."
Wayne: "Cuddle? Now you're scaring me."
Jonesy: "Every chick wants to get kissed on New Year's Eve."
Carly: "Did you say something about a party?"
Jonesy: "Only this year's hottest New Year's Eve party. Wanna come?"
Carly: "Sounds great."
Jonesy: [handing her a card with the party info] "I'm Jonesy."
[Carly and Simone leave the store happily.]
Jude: "Wow. They were hot."
Wayne: "I remember those adolescent years when I had to scare and trick women into coming near me."
Jonesy: "Hey, whatever works, man."
[Caitlin is working on the scrapbook at the lemonade stand. She is on the phone with Jen.]
Caitlin: "Making this scrapbook will be easy, Jen! There are so many great shots!"
Brandon: "The ones of you are really cute."
Caitlin: [looking up, startled] "Brandon!" [into the phone] "Gotta go." [She hangs up.]
Brandon: "It's Caitlin, isn't it?"
Caitlin: "What is?"
Brandon: "Your name?"
Caitlin: "Oh, right."
Brandon: "You're the girl who called me earlier, right?"
Caitlin: "Oh, see, that was–"
Brandon: "'Cause I'm having a New Year's Eve party–"
Caitlin: "Yes! I mean, sure. I'd love to come."
Brandon: "Great! Here's an invite with all the info. See you tomorrow night." [He leaves.]
[Jonesy and Jude are hiding in a bush outside Taj Mahome Video, wearing headsets and sunglasses.]
Jonesy: "Okay, here's the plan. We get our hands on Christo's New Year's Eve party invitation list, scan for the sweetest-looking chicks, then redirect them to Jen's place." [pushing Jude out] "Now get in there and distract Christo."
[Jude sneaks into the store. He passes by the front desk, where Blade and Christo are discussing the party.]
Christo: "My man, this party is gonna be a ripper! Britney, Witty, and Latisha are gonna wear matching bikini tops."
Jonesy: "Latisha Forbes, oh yeah! Did you locate the invite list?"
Jude: "Affirmative, it's at the cash."
Jonesy: "Roger that, commence distraction."
Jude: "Yes sir, sergeant dude." [He makes his way to a wall of DVDs and begins to climb it.]
Christo: [noticing, to Blade] "Hey man, check this out." [walking over] "Yo, jerk, what do you think you're doing?"
Jude: "Ah, h-hey dudes. I'm just looking for...The Sisterhood of the Backpacking Khakis."
Christo: [picking up one of the identical DVD cases] "They're all the same movie, loser."
[Jude loses his balance and falls off the wall. Meanwhile, Jonesy creeps in and grabs the invite list.]
Christo: [hauling Jude upright] "Alright, freak. Circus hour is over."
[Jonesy is reading the invite list on a bench a few yards from the store.]
Jonesy: "Courtney Monkman? Sicily Deacan? Tricia Holmes? With e-mails and phone numbers too! Score! Thank you, party gods."
Jude: "Whoa!" [Jude flies into the foliage behind Jonesy.] "What do we do now?"
Jonesy: "Now we contact these honeys and tell them the bad news. Christo's party has been cancelled due to parental interference."
[Wyatt walks into Grind Me to find Serena on the couch, crying.]
Wyatt: [crossing his fingers and looking to the sky] "Please be crying because Chad's a jerk. Please be crying because Chad's a jerk."
Serena: [seeing him, waving gingerly] "Wyatt. Over here." [Wyatt walks over to her.] "Oh, thanks for coming over."
Wyatt: "What happened?"
Serena: [tearful] "Chad scored a ticket to the Cronk concert, but he couldn't get two so–he's going alone. He's ditching me on New Year's Eve."
Wyatt: "You mean you're free? I mean, oh, that sucks."
Serena: "I have to go to Charmaine's party by myself. It's so humiliating."
[Serena looks up at him, and her sadness turns into a sultry look. Wyatt smiles.]
Wyatt: "Well, you could come to Jen's party tomorrow night."
Serena: "Aw, thanks." [hugging him] "I'll think about it. It's so sweet of you to offer."
[Serena gets up and walks away.]
Wyatt: [to himself] "Hugging is nice. Nice to hug."
[Wyatt's heart beats faster.]
[Caitlin is writing in the scrapbook while Jude plays a handheld game. Jonesy has his cell phone and the invite list for Christo's party.]
Jonesy: "Watch this, dude." [He dials a number. In a deep voice] "Hello, can I speak to Brandi?"
Vendor Girl: "This is Brandi."
Jonesy: "Yes, hello, this is Christo's father speaking. His mother and I just found out that he's been planning a–a wild party while we're away."
Vendor Girl: "Oh. Uh..."
Jonesy: "Well the party is cancelled, and my good-for-nothing ex-son is grounded!"
Vendor Girl: [whispering to a friend] "Christo just got busted! We're stranded for New Year's Eve!"
Jonesy: "But I did hear about a party at Jen Masterson's house. Everyone's heading over there."
Vendor Girl: "Oh, great. You wouldn't happen to have an address, would you?"
Jonesy: "As a matter of fact, I do."
Caitlin: "When do you guys plan to tell Jen about all these girls you're inviting?"
Jude: "I think he's waiting for the right moment."
[Jen walks up, looking exhausted.]
Caitlin: "Jen, you look terrible! Are you okay?"
Jen: "I was up late cleaning the house. And making brownies. And painting Courtney's nails. But at least this party will rock."
Caitlin: "Yeah, about that–"
Jen: "Hey, good call on the scrapbook, by the way. How's it coming?" [She picks it up and flips through it.] "You've only done one page?"
Caitlin: "Well, see I–"
Jen: "And the rest is doodles of you and Brandon? And what's this? A checklist for your prom date with him?"
Caitlin: "Okay, I can explain. Remember how Brandon didn't really know I existed? Well, now he does. And he asked me out on a date tomorrow night."
Jen: "What'd you say?"
Caitlin: "Yes. I said yes."
Jen: "It's not that bad, Caitlin. It would've been nice if you asked, but I guess he can come."
Caitlin: "Not to your house. He invited me to a huge party at his house."
Jen: "You're ditching the gang for a complete stranger?" [Caitlin nods gingerly.] "You said New Year's Eve is the most important social night of the year!"
Caitlin: "I'm sorry, Jen, it's just that Brandon is so cute and he's so incredibly nice and–"
Jen: "Don't tell me! Let me guess. He might be 'the one'?"
Jonesy: "Jen's address? Yes, I happen to have it here, LaFonda."
Jonesy: "I'll have to call you back."
[Blade and Christo come up behind him and grab the cell phone.]
Christo: "Hey there, Dad."
Jonesy: [chuckling nervously] "Hi guys."
[Christo breaks his phone in half.]
Jonesy: [getting up] "I can explain–"
Christo: [pushing him back down] "We get the picture, weasel! You're scamming chicks from our party and sending them to her house!"
Christo: [grabbing the invite list] "Just keep your distance, Bonesy. Or you might find yourself missing a limb or two."
[Christo and Blade walk off. Jen stares at Jonesy angrily.]
Caitlin: [whispering to Jude] "I don't think Jonesy picked the right moment to tell Jen."
Jude: "Nuh-uh." [Wyatt walks up, coffee in hand.]
Jen: "Wyatt. You are not going to believe this. Jonesy and Jude were trying to turn my party into some–chick fest!"
Jonesy: "It would have been awesome. At least Carly and Simone are still coming."
Wyatt: "Actually, I wanted to talk to you about your party. I kinda need to keep tomorrow open in case Serena needs me for emotional support."
Jen: "Serena? The girl who ripped your heart out?"
Wyatt: "Yeah. She's not sure if she's up for a party, you know what I mean?"
Jen: "Oh yeah. I know what you mean."
Wyatt: "Thanks, Jen. I knew you'd understand."
Jen: "Oh, I understand. I understand I need a whole new set of friends!" [She stomps away.] "AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"
[Caitlin looks at her scrapbook-turned-Brandon-book.]
Caitlin: "Ah, Brandon. You're gonna be the cutest prom date ever."
Brandon: [walking up] "What's that about prom dates?"
Caitlin: "Brandon! Oh, nothing. Just daydreaming."
Brandon: "It looks good on you." [noticing the book and looking at it] "Why do you have a book filled with hearts and Brandon and Caitlin forever?"
Caitlin: [giggling nervously] "Who wrote that? Must've been one of my friends."
Brandon: "Is this a drawing of us at the prom?"
Caitlin: "It's not like–"
Caitlin: [desperate] "I can't wait for tonight!"
Brandon: "I'm really not into clingy stalker chicks. Let's just forget about tonight." [He leaves.]
Caitlin: "Oh, that was bad."
[Jonesy and Jude sneak by Taj Mahome Video.]
Jude: "Are you sure we should be near Christo and Blade? They looked scary mad."
Jonesy: "Hey, it's a free mall." [They duck out of sight as Christo peers out of the window.] "Besides, this is the only way to get to Frilly and Pink, where Carly and Simone work. I need to make sure they're coming tonight."
[Jonesy and Jude enter Frilly and Pink.]
Jonesy: "Oh yeah." [to the girls] "Ladies. Just doing the rounds, making sure we're all set for tonight's big partay."
Carly: "No. Christo invited us to his place."
Jonesy: "But we asked you first!"
Carly: "We know you were trolling Christo's invite list for girls."
Jonesy: "But–" [She slingshots a bra at him and walks away.] "–aah!"
Jude: "You're busted, dude."
Jonesy: "Thanks for the update."
[Wyatt and Serena are hanging out at Underground Video.]
Serena: "Wyatt, would you mind if we just had a quiet night tonight?"
[Wyatt's face leaps with joy.]
Wyatt: "No problem. I know just the place: Jen's party."
Serena: "Uh, I don't know if I'm up for a big party."
Wyatt: "This one will be perfect. No one's going."
[At work, Jen is angrily leaning on the counter. Wyatt rushes up.]
Wyatt: "Guess what? Serena wants to come with me to your party!"
Jen: "Too bad, it's cancelled."
Wyatt: "What? Why?"
Jen: "Duh! Because you all bailed on me! You guys were all 'let's ring in the new year together, Jen! It'll be great, Jen!' And the next thing I know, you're all chasing dates! I guess friends don't matter to any of you."
Wyatt: [backing away] "Sheesh, have a cow why don't you."
[Jen's phone rings.]
Nikki: [being kicked] "You little ratbag."
Nikki: "It's me, Nikki."
Jen: "Oh. Have you landed yet?"
Nikki: "No. We got rerouted. I think we're in Tijuana."
Jen: "Lucky you."
Nikki: "Yeah, that steaming tarmac sure is exotic. I can't wait to hang out at your place tonight."
Jen: "Don't hurry. The party's cancelled."
Nikki: "What? I thought we were supposed to ring in the new year with all our friends."
Jen: "News flash: we don't have any friends!" [She hangs up.]
Nikki: "O-kay then." [a noose draps over her seat] "Don't even think it, junior!"
[The guys are sitting around the table while, at her job, Caitlin cries, clutching the scrapbook.]
Caitlin: [sniffling] "He was taken so–suddenly."
Jonesy: "Brandon isn't dead. He dumped you."
Caitlin: "It's like he's dead to me."
Jonesy: "It is?"
Caitlin: "Oh, guys just don't get it. I need Jen."
Jonesy: "I don't think we'll be seeing her anytime soon."
Wyatt: "Yeah, she hates us, remember?"
Jude: "New Year's Eve is starting to feel like an exam or something. I just want to fail and get it over with." [getting up] "This is too much pressure for me." [He starts to skate away.]
Jonesy: "Where're you going?"
Jude: "I think that this year, I'll just sit in my room, munch some grindage, and watch DVDs."
Jonesy: "Cool, can I come over?"
Jude: "Sure, dude."
Wyatt: "Can I bring Serena?"
Jude: "Yep. Caitlin, you coming?"
Caitlin: "Sure. And I'm gonna get back to work on this thing." [She closes the Big Squeeze and walks out with the scrapbook.] "You know what else we have to do?" [She holds up a picture of Jen.]
Jude: "Oh, I know, dude."
[Jen is at work, bored.]
Coach Halder: "Clock is ticking, Masterson! That bonus is slipping away! No chokers on my team. Quota quota quota!"
Jen: "Quota schmota."
Coach Halder: [stunned] "What? I'm going to pretend that that was just quota pressure talking." [He backs away.]
Jen: "I was just gonna spend the bonus on my friends anyway. When I had friends."
[Her friends clear their throats. Jen looks up, grunts, and turns her back to them.]
Jonesy: "C'mon, Jen, we're sorry!"
Jude: "We have relocated the soiree to my bedroom. And you're invited."
Jen: "To your bedroom? That's your New Year's Eve party?"
Caitlin: "Jen, please come. It won't be New Year's Eve without you."
Jen: "Okay. But I'm not forgiving you. I just don't have anywhere else to go tonight."
[Jude opens the door to his bedroom. Jen sniffs the air.]
Jen: "Oh, gross! You could've cleaned up!"
Jude: "I figured what with the upcoming coed pillow fight, why bother?" [The doorbell rings.] "Gotta get the door. Make yourself at home."
[Jude leaves, and Jen heads over to the bed. She heaves a sigh and sits down.]
Jen: "This New Year's Eve sucks." [She speed-dials someone.]
Jen: "Hey, it's me."
Nikki: "What's the matter?"
Jen: "Our New Year's Eve party is in Jude's bedroom." [The toddler behind Nikki runs a car over her.]
Nikki: "Eh-AAAAAHHH! Oh, I thought I had it rough."
Jen: "It wouldn't be so bad if you were here."
Nikki: "Look, I'll try to make it, but we've only just landed."
Jen: "Okay. It's just that–" [the kid grabs Nikki's cell and throws it, ending the call] "–hello? Nikki? You there? Ugh!" [She hangs up. Wyatt, Serena, Jonesy, Caitlin, and Jude walk into the room.]
Wyatt: "Hey Jen. You remember Serena."
Jen: "You're the one who stomped on Wyatt's heart, aren't you."
Serena: "Um. Yeah." [She sniffs the air.] "Uch. Did some animal get loose in here?"
Jude: "That's just my gym socks. Sit anywhere that doesn't move, dudes."
Jonesy: [handing over a DVD] "Here, I brought us some horror flicks. Some good that'll do me; there's not gonna be any action here."
Caitlin: "I brought Mega-Fat Chips. Might as well eat to dull the pain of losing Brandon."
Jonesy: "Good call." [Jude inserts the DVD into his player. Serena and Wyatt are conversing by the window.]
Serena: "I just don't understand why Chad was so thoughtless."
Wyatt: "You deserve someone who loves and respects you, Serena."
[Everyone else in the room falls silent to watch this New Year's drama.]
Serena: "Oh, you're such a sweet guy, Wyatt. I'm glad you're still in my life."
Wyatt: "I feel the same way."
[They lean in to kiss. Suddenly, Serena's cell rings.]
Serena: [picking up] "Chad! Where are you, baby?" [learning] "Really? I've been thinking about you too, love!" [taken aback] "W-where am I? Oh, nowhere special."
Jonesy, Caitlin, Jude, and Jen: "Ooh!"
[Serena finishes her call, hangs up, and turns back to Wyatt.]
Serena: "That was Chad."
Wyatt: "Yeah, I figured."
Serena: "He skipped his concert so he could be with me! Oh, I've gotta go. Chad and I want to be together at the stroke of midnight."
Wyatt: "Yeah, but–uh–"
[Wyatt's heart slows down and takes a sword through its center.]
Wyatt: "I am such a moron."
Jen: "No, you're not."
Caitlin: "You just have a big heart."
Jude: "Yeah. And we've got some grindage that needs munching."
Caitlin: "And we can look at the scrapbook I put together."
Jonesy: "Get over here."
Caitlin: "C'mon over here, Wyatt!"
Jude: "Get over here, dude!"
Caitlin: "We love you!"
Jen: "C'mon, Wyatt."
[Wyatt giggles as Jen pulls him towards his friends. They look through the scrapbook and laugh at themselves.]
Nikki: [walking in] "Hey, guys."
Jen: "Nikki! Have we got a lot of catching up to do."
Wyatt: "Thanks, guys. I feel a lot better."
Caitlin: "I am so over Brandon."
Jude: "Hey dudes, it's nearly midnight!"
Jen: [pulling Nikki inside] "C'mon!"
Wyatt, Jen, Jude, Caitlin, Jonesy, and Nikki: "Five! Four! Three! Two! One! HAPPY NEW YEAR!"
[The gang are gathered around their usual table.]
Caitlin: "Funny, I haven't seen Brandon. He must have resolved to give up lemonade for the new year."
Wyatt: "My resolution? Not to be a doormat anymore. Not my department."
Jude: "Good one, dude."
Nikki: "I resolve not to be home when my parents get the phone bill from our flight."
Jen: "I resolve to let you hide in my house."
Jude: "I resolve to find the remote in my room by next New Year's."
Jonesy: "I resolve not to get fired this year."
Jude: [chuckling] "Dude." [Everyone but Jonesy laughs.]