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The Swami

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"The Swami"
Episode name reference to/pun on: None
Nikki wedgies Swami Jude
Season 1, Episode 19
Airdate: CAN: May 8, 2005
USA: November 5, 2008
Directed by: {{{Directors}}}
Written by: {{{Writers}}}
Story Editors: {{{Editors}}}
Episode Guide
The Swami is the 19th episode of the series, which aired in Canada on Teletoon on May 8, 2005 and on Cartoon Network on November 5, 2008.

Jonesy gets a job booking entertainment for the mall, but runs into trouble when his first booking is too depressed to leave his hotel room. Needing a quick replacement, he pushes Jude out as a swami, and Jude's weird advice takes the mall by storm.


As a long line forms in front of The Big Squeeze, Caitlin forces everyone out due to the mob's nonstop complaining. Eventually, Caitlin finds herself ranting to Nikki, who becomes tired of listening then walks off. Caitlin then sees another boy and becomes attracted to him named Jeff, only to screw up and drive him away. As Caitlin gripes, Jonesy shows off his new job, which advertises a swami to inspire customers. However, he is too depressed to leave his hotel room, so Jonesy hires Jude to be the replacement, even though he is very hesitant at first.

During the performance, Nikki whines about attending while Jen questions Caitlin's reliance on the swami's words. The audience sees that Jude is the swami and immediately jeer at him when he is off to a rough start. He eventually starts saying quotes that make the crowd believe him, and they eventually start relying on his advice. Nikki tries to sass Jude to get him to stop, only for Ron to drag her out. After the performance, Jude gives Jonesy some words of advice for the next show while Jen and Nikki worry about Caitlin. Caitlin is eager to use Jude's advice to her advantage on her date with Jeff.

Later, Caitlin uses Jude's wisdom, which was to tell him she was alive. She schedules her date with Jeff and insists on El Sporto's that night at 8 P.M. Meanwhile, Wyatt tries to switch the letters on the Spin This sign, but is too scared to use the ladder. Caitlin insists that Wyatt climbs, so he follows through, only to end up clinging to the ladder in fear of falling. Wyatt soon becomes a target of mockery thanks to nearby customers, and ends up nearly falling while trying to get them to stop.

During Caitlin's date at El Sporto's, she tries to use Jude's words to get her through, only for her to screw up royally. Meanwhile, Nikki tries to help Wyatt get down from the ladder, and when Wyatt admits that Caitlin motivated him, Nikki becomes enraged and proceeds to hunt Jude down. After losing her list of wise quotes, Caitlin asks Jude to help her make it through her date. Nikki, however, drags Jude away, leaving Caitlin to make a fool of herself and Jeff to leave until Caitlin insists she is not crazy.

As Wyatt still struggles to go down the ladder, Jude tries to use his swami ways to help Wyatt down, but his words are cheesy and make the crowd leave. Wyatt asks Nikki to put on a Jumping Snails album, but Nikki refuses to do so, thinking that their music is garbage. Wyatt becomes mad enough at Nikki to slide right off the ladder without injury. Suddenly, Jen realizes Caitlin's situation and walks off to help her while Jonesy tries to hire Nikki, only for her to refuse. Jen, however, sees Caitlin having a good time on her date and signals a thumbs up for her ability to not use Jude's advice.

Later, Jude gives words of wisdom to The Clones, who attempt to skate down an escalator, only to end up in pain. Jude admits that it was not the best choice, leaving Jonesy to admit that he got fired once more and had to give refunds to the customers. After Caitlin points out that she has another date with Jeff, the Clones complain to Jude for letting them attempt such a stunt.


  • Caitlin: "AH! That's it, I can't take it anymore! Find your own juice!" (closes Lemon)
  • Nikki: "Uh huh. You know my policy. Whenever I hear you talk about pink things, I leave the area immediately." (walks away)
  • Jonesy: "Uuh! I can't believe Swami Bindi punked out on me."
    Jude: "Only punks get punked, man."
    Jonesy: "Aren't spiritual dudes bound to, like, not do bad things, like cancel appearances?"
    Jude: "I dunno. Guess nobody's perfect."
    Jonesy: "Focus, Jonesy, focus! What I need is somebody who can pretend to be a guru."
    Jude: "You know what they say; 'the best glimpse of paradise is in that second before you bail.' You'll think of something."
    Jonesy: "Someone who can say stupid stuff that sounds profound enough to fool the crowd."
    Jude: "Hey, did you know that gerbils and hamsters can't have babies together, but they both like lettuce?"
    Jonesy: "Wise words, Swami Jude."
    Jude: "Thanks, I—oh-ho-ho, no way dude."
  • Jen: "Do you really think this guy has answers that you couldn't come up with on your own?"
    Nikki: "Ugh, she's too busy matching her shoes with her skirts!"
    Jen: "Nikki!"
    Nikki: "I'm kidding! Sort of."
    Caitlin: "Good clothing can open doors, you know."
  • Jonesy: "Liars, cheaters, lazy people, and general losers of all shapes and sizes, this is your day!"
    Caitlin: "Which one of those am I?"
  • Jonesy: "It is a pleasure to welcome the swami!" (Jude appears on stage and sees the crowd.)
    Jude: "Whoa!"
    Caitlin, Jen and Nikki: "Jude?"
    Jude: (nervous) "Uh, hey dudes. I am Swami Jude. Swami Bindi couldn't make it because he, uh, fell on his chakra, so he sent me instead 'cause I'm, uhh..."
    Jonesy: "His apprentice!"
    Jude: "His appendage!" (Jonesy slaps his forehead while the crowd jeers.) "It's, uh, cool to be here."
    Nikki: "Jude, get off that stage right now!"
    Jude: "I uh..."
    Nikki: "Get off the stage!"
  • Coach Halder: "Skateboard park is in the back, son!"
    Jude: "But life is like a skateboard park, and the dudes and chicks are merely skaters." (The crowd begins liking Swami Jude.)
    Jonesy: "That's it, buddy! More like that!"
    Jude: "I don't know anymore like that. I didn't even know I knew that one."
    Caitlin: "That's so profound!"
    Nikki: "Here we go."
    Jen: "Oh brother!"
  • Coach Halder: (running around shirtless) "I'm a new man! Look at me now, world!"
    Ron: "I need backup. Large, hairy-back man on the run."
  • Caitlin: "Hi, my name is Caitlin. I am alive!"
  • Nikki: "It's a good thing this isn't a TV show."
    Jen: "Why?"
    Nikki: "'Cause if it was, everything would go horribly wrong after the commercial break."
    Jen: "Yeah, good thing."
  • Caitlin: "Thank you, Swami Jude."
    Wyatt: "Swami who? Caitlin? Hello?"
  • Nikki: (to Jonesy) "You're just lucky no one got hurt following his stupid advice." (The Clones arrive, injured thanks to Jude.)
    Kirsten: "We hate you, Swami Jude!"
    Kristen: "Yeah, you suck!"
    Nikki: "Well, almost nobody." (laughs)


  • Jonesy's job: entertainment booker
    Reason for firing: the truth that Jude isn't a real guru, but a teenager who just says whatever comes into his head had been revealed to the whole mall, and, as a result, refunds were demanded by many consumers.
  • Jen and Nikki lean on the 4th wall when they talk about how, if this was a television show, everything would go horribly wrong after the commercial break; although they never explicitly break the wall, they do foreshadow that things are going to go wrong, and tell the audience as much.
  • Jude's comment on the world being a skateboard park is a reference to the famous Shakespeare quote "All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players" from his play As You Like It.
  • Coach Halder sees himself as a physically aggressive, hairy, unappealing human being, and identifies as nothing more than a character actor.
    • Apparently, however, he thinks that inside he's a sensitive, caring bundle of love.
  • Running Gags:
    1. Jude giving people bad but somewhat profound advice
    2. People taking this advice far too literally
  • Goof: Wyatt is supposed to change letters on a sign by Spin This. Nothing can be seen written on the sign before or after he goes up.
  • This is the first time Ron flashes back to his wartime days.
  • Caitlin references Jonesy intentionally getting fired in The (Almost) Graduate while on her date with Jeff.
  • Caitlin's pink dress from The Sushi Connection reappears in this episode.



This clip was provided by 6animestar14 on YouTube.

Season 1
Take This Job and Squeeze ItThe Big SickieThe Slow and the Even-TemperedA Lime to PartyDeck the MallThe Sushi ConnectionThe Five Finger DiscountBreaking Up with the Boss' SonEmployee of the MonthIdol Time at the MallThe Fake DateMr. Nice GuyThe Girls in the BandClonesyStupid Over CupidThe Khaki GirlThe (Almost) GraduateBring It OnThe SwamiCecil B. DelusionedThe Birthday BoyEnter the DragonOne Quiet DayIt's Always Courtney, Courtney, Courtney!The One with the Text MessageBoo, Dude6teen: Dude of the Living Dead
Seasons: Season 1Season 2Season 3Season 4Hour-Long Specials
See also: Episode Guide

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